Playful Incubi are Hell to Deal With: Aftermath
by The Maiden of Autumn
Summary: Playful incubi can be hell to deal with... or sometimes, funny as hell. Set in the universe of Playful Incubi are Hell to Deal With, they're a bunch of short, humorous drabbles with the occasional fluffy one tossed in. Watch yourselves- here there be crack... LightxL.
1. 1- Top

Disclaimer: The Maiden of Autmn owns nothing.

...Turns out that I loved my reluctant seme Light and playful uke L too much after starting to write PIaHtDW, and I started dreading the day I had to let them go, even though the story's not finsihed yet. Can you say overly attached...?

Obviously, you guys, the readers, have no clue what I'm talking about, as I only have the prologue posted, but you'll learn in time.

So I wanted to do something else with them, but couldn't for the life of me, think what I wanted to do.

Until I got onto my phone and started browsing that God of all funny apps, IFunny. For any of you who have a smartphone, it's free and provides you with a path to utter joy and blissful hours of laughter. Fucking hilarious, it is.

So... while on there a day or so ago, I started noticing a lot of funny sayings and situations that I could really see L and Light pulling off.

Naturally, this is what was born from it. They're a bunch of short drabbles featuring my incubus L and his "meal ticket," Light- after the ending of the story, of course.

I present Playful Incubi are Hell to Deal With: Aftermath.

* * *

**Top**

Light Yagami was not the smartest Light bulb- hah, funny pun, get it?- in the pack when in that strange state between sleep and waking. This was evidenced one day, when Light fell asleep on his desk, and a curious incubus found him, figured out this weakness, and decided to have some fun with it, naturally.

"Light…"

He felt something poking his shoulder, but he brushed it off with an articulate, "Mmph."

"This is your bed speaking…"

"Mmfuuumph…" His bed? He hadn't known beds could speak… but why the hell not? Meh, go with it, Light.

_Hello, bed._

"I know you're tired… come and get on top of me, baby…"

_Get on top… _

_What the hell was his bed coming onto him?!_

"Mph- WHAT?!"


	2. 2- Bubblegum

Disclaimer: The Maiden of Autumn owns nothing.

**Bubblegum**

* * *

"Hey, Light. That's a nice pink shirt."

Light looked down at the shirt he had hastily donned after rolling out of bed, wanting to smack himself in the face as he realized that it was, indeed, a bright pink.

_Oh, God, the guys at work will never let me live this down…_

Recovering himself, Light looked at L, surprised to see L was totally serious in his compliment and was staring at Light's shirt with a contemplative look. "Ah… thanks, I guess…?"

"You look like that stuff… what's it called? Girls chew it…" L asked, muttering to himself, before he snapped his fingers, lips curling into a happy smile. "Ah, yes! Bubble gum!"

_Bubblegum?_ Light thought with horror._ Shoot me now!_

"Yeah... L, no I don't."

"I don't think I've ever had bubble gum… Don't you blow bubbles with it…?" L trailed off, tapping his finger against his chin as he thought.

Light smirked, seeing the opening L had unwittingly gave him. He slyly pulled out a pair of sunglasses that were in his pocket, slipped them on, and then snapped his head up, raised his eyebrow and said, "Haha… yeah, well…you uh… you can… _Blow me anytime."_


	3. 3- Sing

Disclaimer: The Maiden of Autumn owns nothing.

AGH! Remmy, thanks for reassuring me of my humor that is indeed there, however small and horribly pathetic it is. I send you warm, fuzzy, affectionate feelings and I promise, I shall message you back soon!

I'm on a roll here with these, baby. Mmhm. Gettin' the creative juices flowing... I've even written on OSTIC... and made up 37 of these in the past two nights.

I need a life.

**Sing**

* * *

"Hey, Light."

"What, L?"

"…Did you know that you sing in the shower?"

Light paused as he reached out for a towel, getting his stuff together to go and actually take a shower.

No doubt why L had chosen to bring up his showertime activities. But as long as L wanted to play like that...

"L, I don't sing in the shower," Light told him, a small smile tugging at his lips.

"Oh? You don't?" L asked with a cocked eyebrow, obviously not believing Light. "I must have been mistaken in what I heard earlier this morning. What do you do in the shower, then?"

And Light just smirked as he finished gathering up his towels, looking back over his shoulder and flashing L a cocky grin as he simply said, "_I perform_."


	4. 4- Owned

Disclaimer: The Maiden of Autumn owns nothing

**Owned**

* * *

"Hey, does that sign really say 'Fuck everyone and be happy?'"

L stopped, seeing Light point to a faded sign that was taped onto a light pole.

Examining it closer, L nodded, seeing the faded, yet clearly visible words. "I believe so."

"Psh," Light scoffed, shaking his head at the poor, worn out sign.

"Skeptical much?" L asked, raising an eyebrow and poking Light's side with his tail playfully.

Light smiled at L's playfulness before pointing at the sign, tapping the faded words. "A bit. Fuck everyone and you'll probably get AIDS. AIDS does _not_ make me happy."

L's eyebrow only inched higher before he responded with a head shake of his own, continuing on down the sidewalk. "…I believe you just owned that sign, Light."

"Damn straight."

Light waited for L to get a little ways ahead, then glanced around, making sure no one was about and pulling a pen out of his pocket as he did so. And then hastily, he scribbled out, "and be happy" and wrote, directly under it in capital letters, his own way of looking at it.

Then satisfied, Light capped his pen, replaced it and ran to catch up with his lover, leaving behind the sign that now said, "Fuck everyone and get AIDS."


	5. 5- Graffiti

Disclaimer: The Maiden of Autumn owns nothing.

**Graffiti**

* * *

"Look- someone's graffitied the quadratic formula onto the side of a wall." Light paused as L stopped, pointing to a dirty old brick wall. Looking to make sure no one was around so that it wouldn't appear as if he were some crazy person talking to himself, he then responded.

"Why would someone do that?" Light asked, staring in utter confusion at the wall that did, indeed, have the quadratic formula sprayed across it in black spray paint.

Smirking, L just shrugged, turning and walking away with Light close behind him.

"Well, Light, I guess some thugs just want to watch the world learn."


	6. 6- Tank

Disclaimer: The Maiden of Autumn owns nothing.

**Tank**

* * *

"I want a tank," Light suddenly said one day while resting his head in L's lap. It was a Saturday afternoon, and they had silently both agreed to do nothing, and as a result, they were simply lazing about enjoying the other's company.

Still, Light's words were rather sudden, and L paused in his stroking of Light's hair to lean over him, tilting his head to the side in confusion, exposing his pointed ears in the process.

"Well, then, why don't you get one?" L asked, deciding that though he didn't know what had brought this up or Light's sudden desire for a large vehicle of crushing and destruction, he'd humor the human.

Light smiled up at L, pleased that L had decided to play along. "Because they cost several million dollars, not including floormats. I don't have that kind of money, L."

Frowning, L raised a finger to his lips, nibbling on it thoughtfully as he resumed running his hands through Light's hair. Light sighed and closed his eyes at the comfortable feeling as L said, "Now, wait a second. You're a consumer, right? You have one of those things, what are they called… credit cards? Yes. You have credit cards, Light."

Smiling briefly, Light slitted open an eye and replied, "Yes, but how would I pay the credit card company? They'd come after me."

At which L tilted his head down, bangs falling over his amused black eyes, and told him, "…Don't be silly, Light. You'd have a tank."


	7. 7- Procrastinate

Disclaimer: The Maiden of Autumn owns nothing.

**Procrastinate**

* * *

"You're procrastinating doing that paper, Light," L suddenly spoke up from where he was crouching on their bed.

Light lazily swing his chair around, glancing back at his computer, where he had been surfing the Internet idly. And then, he fixed L with a deadpan look, raising his brow. "Your point?"

"You need to be less of a procrastinator and get it done. It doesn't matter if you're smart enough to technically get that paper done the night before- or hell, even the morning of. It's not a good habit to get into, Light," L scolded him.

"I'm not a procrastinator, L," Light protested. "I'm just extremely productive at unimportant things!"


	8. 8- Sneeze

Disclaimer: The Maiden of Autumn owns nothing.

**Sneeze**

* * *

"Achoo!"

"Bless you."

_One._

"Achoo!"

"Bless you."

_Two._

"Achoo!"

"Bless you."

_Three._

"Achoo!"

"Bless you."

_Four._

"Achoo!"

_Five._

This time, L was silent and Light dropped his third used Kleenex in the trash, rubbing his nose in irritation as it itched. He turned to his demon lover and raised a brow, crossing his arms. "What, no 'bless you?'"

L looked over to him, pausing in the piece of cake he was eating. He eyed Light once before picking up his fork and resuming his eating, wings fluttering a bit subconsciously.

"No. Don't expect a 'bless you' after your fifth sneeze. Get that shit under control, Light."


	9. 9- Chess

Disclaimer: The Maiden of Autumn owns nothing.

**Chess**

* * *

Light admittedly hadn't been thinking when he challenged L to a game of chess, thinking that L's skills might have been rusty after his 50-year sleep.

But he had started sweating as L had smirked at him, his obsidian eyes sparkling at the challenge and tail whipping and curling in excitement. Obviously, he had misjudged L's chess skills.

So now, Light was staring at the chessboard in between stealing glances at L's impassive face as he held a knight in his hand, obviously contemplating his next move.

_What the hell is he doing?_

_Why doesn't he make his move?_

_Well, L's pretty old… he's probably had a few hundred years to learn chess._

_He's probably hatching out the smartest plan I've ever seen._

_Shit, I'm screwed._

Meanwhile, on L's end of the spectrum…

_… Ah, fuck. I have no idea what I'm doing- this is the first time I've ever played chess._

_Where the hell can the knight go?!_


	10. 10- Lazy

Disclaimer: The Maiden of Autumn owns nothing.

**Lazy**

A bit more on the fluffy side this time...

* * *

"You know, I hate it when people at school come up to me and complain that they can't find their Prince Charming." Light flopped down on the couch, throwing his satchel off to the side, a long-suffering sigh issuing from his mouth as he tilted his head back, closing his eyes. really; people at school were very annoying.

"Why?"

Light smiled as he heard L's smooth, baritone voice, his hands instinctually coming up to settle on L's thin hips as the incubus straddled Light, knocking their foreheads together softly in a greeting, before resting his head on Light's shoulder.

It was always his favorite part of the day, coming home. Because L always greeted him like this and it was kinda really nice.

"Because they need to get up off their lazy asses and find him themselves. The poor fuckstick may be stuck in a tree or something." Light felt L's pallid lips tug up into a grin against his shoulder, a breathy chuckle exiting the incubus's throat as he nipped at Light's shoulder, his fangs leaving small red marks behind.

"Nice, Light."

Light chuckled himself, tilting his head to the side to give L better access to his neck, his own hands reaching up to fondle L's small wings, admiring the soft, leathery skin covering them and delighting in the soft purr he got from L. "Or sleeping like the dead, like you were for 50 years."

L paused in his ministrations, leaning back to give Light a crooked smile. "Smooth."


	11. 11- Balls

Disclaimer: The Maiden of Autumn owns nothing.

**Balls**

* * *

Light often didn't have a penchant for speeding, but late as he was to dinner at his parent's house, it was totally justified. That is, until Light was forced to slow down as sirens blared behind him, red and blue lights showing up in his rearview mirror

"Oh, shit. The cops. Ah, I don't want a ticket!" No, a ticket wouldn't be good, especially since Soichiro Yagami was chief of the NPA.

"Here, I have an idea." L said, smiling evilly, bringing up a finger to nibble on it as his tail twitched mischievously. "When he walks up, say this…"

L recoiled as he heard L's suggestion, giving him an _are-you-nuts_ look.

"What? Are you insane? How the hell is that going to get me out of a ticket, you stupid demon?!"

"Just do it, you dense human!"

"Fine!"

Light waited tensely as the officer exited his car, flipping through his ticketbook as Light rolled down the window. He smiled charmingly at the officer, speaking before the man had a chance to do so.

"Hello, officer. I bet you're going to give me a ticket to the Policeman's Ball."

The policeman paused, before narrowing his eyes.

"Tokyo Policemen don't have balls."

And then, the policeman blinked, realizing what he had just said, regarded Light with an inscrutable expression, and inclined his head in respect. He then walked back to his car without giving Light a ticket and drove away.


	12. 12- Omelette

Disclaimer: The Maiden of Autumn owns nothing.

******Omelette**

* * *

"You know, a chicken omelette sounds good for breakfast… what do you think, L?" Light asked, opening the refrigerator as L came stumbling in, rubbing his eyes sleepily, Light could see that L's tail and wings were drooping, a good indicator that L was not happy to be awake. But then again, L rarely was, so it really was nothing new,

L glared at the bright light issued forth from the opened refrigerator before he hopped up onto a barstool, lying his head down on the wood of their bar. He watched as Light got out all the ingredients needed for the omelette.

"I think chicken omelettes are evil," L grumbled after a few moments, eyeing a square of brownie leftover from last night still lying on a plate on the counter. His tail wriggled up to discreetly slide the plate closer to him, eyes wide as he watched the chunk of chocolate fudgy goodness come closer to him.

Light, however, heard the scraping noise of ceramic against polished wood and knew what L was up to.

The demon glared at Light as his tail was smacked off the counter, Light shaking his head both at L's grumbled words and his attempts to snitch the brownie. He had put L on a healthier diet after watching in horror as L had scarfed down 5 cupcakes for breakfast one morning. He knew that it wouldn't make the demon fat or kill him or anything, but it still disgusted Light to see something like that. His action against L's diet was more for his own peace of mind than anything.

"L… how the hell did you possibly come to that conclusion?" Light asked, turning away, picking out a kitchen knife and beginning the process of chopping up the chicken.

Glaring at the evilly healthy chicken, he said, "Well… they kill the chicken, chop it up into little bits and cook it inside their own babies. That's awful, Light."

Light paused. When you put it that way…

He glanced down at the chopped up chicken for a brief moment before shrugging and scooping it up, dropped it into the frypan, smiling as it started to cook, turning a lovely golden brown.

"…Well, too bad it's delicious."


	13. 13- Sexy

Disclaimer: The Maiden of Autumn owns nothing.

VampireDoll666-You are quite the faithful reviewer, and your reviews always make me smile and giggle without fail. Thank you!

**********Sexy**

* * *

"Have you seen the matter sexy?"

L looked up at Light's sudden question, his brows furrowing in confusion. He blinked, turning around to face Light and give him his full attention.

_What the hell is a 'matter sexy?'_ L wondered to himself, his wings fluttering in indecision.

Curse his time spent asleep. He really didn't know anything about the world he had awoken to, and constantly found himself having to have Light explain one thing or another to him.

Talk about age gap…

Finally, he sighed, deciding to just ask.

"What's the matter sexy?" L inquired, tilting his head to the side as he asked, not really knowing what Light was asking.

Light smirked. "Nothing, L; I'm fine, thanks for asking. How about you?"


	14. 14- Grapes

Disclaimer: The Maiden of Autumn owns nothing.

**********Grapes**

* * *

"Light, what's for supper tonight?"

Light paused in taking off his coat and loosening his tie, wracking his mind for ideas. To be honest, he had completely forgotten, and now he had a hungry incubus on his hand. Well, technically not _hungry_, since he didn't need human food, but L loved it and Light still needed it…

Glancing down at the brown bag in his hand, (he had stopped by at the liquor store to pick up a bottle of wine) Light winced. He hadn't thought of dinner at all…

"We're having… fruit salad," Light fibbed, though by the deadpan look on L's face, it was obvious that the incubus didn't believe Light at all.

Shit. Caught.

"Well… it's mostly grapes anyway," Light continued, realizing with a sinking sensation that he was digging himself further into a hole with every centimeter L's eyebrows raised higher.

"Ok, all grapes... Fermented grapes? Aw, screw this," Light exclaimed, throwing his coat off and raising the brown bag with a sheepish expression.

"We're having wine for dinner."


	15. 15- Transfer

Disclaimer: The Maiden of Autumn owns nothing.

**********Transfer**

* * *

"Ah, I love this new 4G Internet hook-up," Light sighed, leaning back on his chair and smirking pleasedly. "It's so much faster than 3G…"

"Did you know that a single sperm has 37.4 megabytes of DNA information in it?" L suddenly spoke up.

Light swiveled around to face L, watching as the incubus continued stacking sugar cubes, as if he hadn't just shared that little piece of weird… and kind of interesting piece of information.

But Light was further shocked when after a small pause to get more sugar cubes from his bowl, L continued. "That means a normal ejaculation represents a data transfer of 1,587 gigabytes in about 3 seconds…"

"Hmph," Light said, gaining L's attention and meeting the incubus's sly obsidian ones. "And here I thought 4G was fast…"

"Hm," L hummed thoughtfully, nodding. He plucked a sugar cube from the top of his tower and popped it into his mouth, sucking on it suggestively as he smirked at Light.

"…Care to transfer some data with me?"


	16. 16- Locks

Disclaimer: The Maiden of Autumn owns nothing.

**********Locks**

* * *

"L, did you know that there's a bridge in Paris where couples hang locks with their names written on them, then throw away the key so they can never be removed?"

L raised an eyebrow as he paused in wrapping his scarf around his neck to ward off the winter chill that pervaded their house; the heater had broken and now it was freezing in there.

"Is that so…"

Smirking, L pulled on a pair of boots, silently making his way outside and to their toolshed. Light failed to notice this as he went back to reading his magazine.

A few minutes later, though, L returned and Light looked up, his eyes widening as he saw what L was wielding in his hands, a small smirk on his pale lips.

"L, what the hell are you doing with those huge-ass wire-cutters?"

"Well, Light, in regards to your little thing about that bridge… the one with the locks?"

"Yeah?"

Smiling evilly, L hefted the massive, (in Light's eyes) wire-cutters and snapped them once.

"…Chomp chomp, motherfuckers."


	17. 17- Cooked

Disclaimer: The Maiden of Autumn owns nothing.

**********Cooked**

* * *

Silence abounded as Light eyed the plate in front of him, before he tentatively picked up his fork and poked at the piece of meat on the dish.

"L."

"What?"

"I think we should establish a new rule around here…"

"What would that be, Light?"

"L shall not cook dinner, for thy food is uneatable."

"How cruel. I didn't think it was that bad…"

Looking up, Light raised an eyebrow in disbelief. He then jabbed his fork into the chicken thigh that had been placed onto his plate and held up at eye level, waving it around slightly and allowing L to see the blood that was streaming from the holes the fork prongs had created.

"L. This chicken is so undercooked, a skilled _vet_ could still save him," Light told L succinctly.

Grimacing, L eyed the piece of nearly-raw chicken being waved in his face before pushing his own plate away, resting his chin on his hand and sighing resignedly. His tail flicked behind him sadly, the pointed tip coming up to prod at the chicken and he watched desolately as blood streamed down from the uncooked meat.

"…Maybe I'll just stick to desserts," L allowed, eyeing the ruined dinner with disappointment. And here he had thought he had been doing so well…

Tilting his fork down, Light allowed the chicken to slide wetly off the piece of cutlery and plop back onto his plate as he, too, pushed the uneatable meal away. And then, he got up and snatched the plate of cupcakes off the counter, proffering the plate to L silently as he took one for himself.

"You do that," Light told the incubus as he took a bite out of his vanilla cupcake. "Pretty hard to undercook cupcakes."


	18. 18- Fun

Disclaimer: The Maiden of Autumn owns nothing.

**********Fun**

* * *

_You never really realize how boring your life is until someone asks you what you do for fun. Or in my case, you never realize how interesting and odd your life is until someone asks that, _Light thought, watching L talk to his sister about something or other. A wide smile was present on his pale face as he gesticulated wildly, obviously getting into whatever it is they were talking about. Sayu was grinning, folding her arms as she listened, and then tilted her head back to smirk at Light.

Light only could hope that L was telling his sister nothing incriminating about him- or them, actually. He still remembered that one time the socially-insensitive demon had offhandedly remarked to his father about what, exactly, L liked to do to Light with chocolate syrup…

Thinking back to his previous thoughts, Light thought contemplatively,_ For fun, I have hot sex with my incubus boyfriend about 7 or 8 times daily, I argue with him over the benefits of strawberry cake vs. sexual energy for food, I get annoyed at him for his insistency to have sex, I laugh at him about his cluelessness regarding this day and age, and with him at other's stupidity, I go to sleep with him on top of me like a hundred-pound cat, and then wake up wake up to a grumpy, non-morning-loving incubus, only to repeat every single day._

But then, L flashed Light a smile as well, his black eyes sparkling, and Light knew that if the demon had been in his demon form instead of his human one, his wings would be fluttering and his tail lashing about mischievously.

And thinking back now, about how utterly interesting his life had gotten since L had come into it, and how boring it was before the incubus had barreled in like a whirlwind…

_… I really wouldn't have it any other way, _Light decided, returning L's smile.


	19. 19- Cake

Disclaimer: The Maiden of Autumn owns nothing.

**********Cake**

* * *

Light loved his little sister; he really did. But sometimes, he couldn't help but wince when she asked for his help in math, because he found it hard to explain things in terms she'd understand.

The only good point was that L liked Sayu, and he usually chose to accompany Light to his family's house in his human form, meaning that he could freely converse with L whenever he liked. And more often than not, L grew bored and came wandering into bug Light when he was attempting to help Syau, providing a welcome, (though not-so welcome, in some respects) distraction.

In one such case…

"Sayu," Light sighed, resting his forehead in his palm, "this is really quite simple. Think of it like this: if you have 10 chocolate cakes, and someone asks you for 2, how many do you have left?"

"10." At L's voice, Light looked up and Sayu grinned, settling back into her chair, because she knew that when L interrupted one of their tutoring sessions, it usually meant a good 5 minute break while L and Light argued before L wandered off again.

Light narrowed his eyes at L, not really wanting to be interrupted at the moment. "L. I wasn't asking you. This is Sayu's problem to figure out, so go and do something else and leave us in peace."

Rolling his eyes, L sidled into the room closer, throwing a fleeting grin at Sayu in a gesture of hello before returning his attention to Light. "I'm just saying, that if I had 10 chocolate cakes, I wouldn't give any of them away, even if it was you asking and you were starving."

Ouch. Harsh.

Light blinked, before he swiveled his chair around, crossing his legs and quirking a brow at L. "Okay, well, what if someone _forcibly_ takes two of those cakes? _Then,_ how many would you have left?" Light asked smugly, thinking he had L on that one.

L simply smirked. "10 and a dead body."


	20. 20- Australian

Disclaimer: The Maiden of Autumn owns nothing.

Admit it. After reading this, you know you tried it...

**********Australian**

* * *

"Hey, Light, do you know it's impossible to say this out loud without sounding Australian?" L waved a piece of paper under Light's nose, and Light jerked backwards, hand coming up to grasp L's wrist to stop the appendage from waving the thing under his nose.

But… Australian?

"Really? No way. Let me see that." Light said, and he snatched the piece of paper away from L. He scanned it once, before he read out loud, "Good eye might."

L smirked, his pallid lips quirking up as he looked at Light. "See?" he said smugly, and Light felt the urge to smack himself in the forehead as he went over how the words sounded in his head even as he smiled along with L, knowing the incubus had gotten him.

_G'day, mate._

"Shit."


	21. 21- Art

Disclaimer: The Maiden of Autumn owns nothing.

**********Art**

* * *

One should not take L to such things as art galleries, Light had come to learn. It only ended in disaster. Take that one, time, for instance, that Light had momentarily lost the sneaky sex demon…

Frantically looking around, Light almost felt his heart give out in relief when he finally spotted the feathery black hair of his lover. Shaking his head at the demon's carelessness and his own neglect, Light had went over to retrieve L.

"L, there you are-" Light started upon reaching L's side, but he was cut off as L started to speak, and it was then that Light noticed L was addressing a rather wealthy-looking man in a smart business suit.

"You're seriously contemplating paying 300,000,000 yen for this painting?" Incredulously was apparent in L's tone as he gestured at a framed picture, which was a white background with a single splatter of red across the mid-lower left corner.

"L!" Light said, shocked at L's rudeness, but the incubus ignored him, continuing as the wealthy man eyed both the painting and L speculatively.

"The artist basically had a _nosebleed_ on a _whiteboard_, and he wants 300,000,000 yen for it? _And you're willing to pay for it?" _L asked, jabbing his finger at the painting almost accusatorily.

Oh, God.

Light facepalmed, his face burning in embarrassment as the wealthy man eyed the picture speculatively, then tentatively shook his head and walked away, leaving L smiling smugly.

He then turned to Light and said smugly, "And you thought I didn't know a thing about art."


	22. 22- Songs

Disclaimer: The Maiden of Autumn owns nothing.

If you don't know Taylor Swift, you won't get this one. But to help you out, this chick singer has a nasty tendency to write a retaliatory song about anyone who badmouths her, as well as about her ex-boyfriends and breakups. It's become something of a legend on, well… actually, just about everywhere.

**********Songs**

* * *

_Oh my God,_ Light groaned, reaching out as the radio started playing in response to the alarm going off.

A Taylor Swift song was playing, and her tone-flat voice and lyrics about school and teenage boys and break-ups and getting back together and sappy feelings made him want to claw his eardrums out and roast them.

Or it might be that it was the morning.

But no, it was more likely the female singer currently crooning out _Teardrops on My Guitar._

Fumbling around for a few seconds, finally, with a shout of triumph, Light found the 'off' button and pressed it, Swift's voice cutting off and Light rolled over, groaning in relief.

L mumbled something incoherently next to him that sounded like, _chicks that can't sing worth a shit_, his tail twitching sleepily upon the sheets.

Light wholeheartedly agreed. He poked L awake, waiting as L's head surfaced and he glared balefully at Light for waking him up. "What, Light?" L asked irritably.

"Taylor Swift is a suck-ass singer. What do you think, L?"

L simply stared at L, an Oh-my-God-did-you-really-wake-me-up-to-ask-such-an-inane-question-you-stupid-human look present on his face. L's black eyes flicked to the radio once, then back to Light, before he flopped back down, rolling over, mumbling his reply.

"I don't know, Light. No comment. I don't want a song written about me."


	23. 23- Lies

Disclaimer: The Maiden of Autumn owns nothing.

**********Lies**

* * *

L raised an eyebrow as he paused, reading the caption of a picture he had just come across while messing around on Light's laptop.

Above it was a picture of a white face, with gaping black holes for eyes and a wide black hole for a mouth. L examined it in interest, feeling more repulsion at the thing that was meant to be terrifying than horror, as it no doubt was trying to inspire. He had seen much worse in his time as an incubus- one little thing like this wasn't going to make him scream.

Still, he smirked, thinking about that caption…

"Like this or your loved one will die in 5 seconds…?"

L smirked.

_Challenge accepted…_

*5 Seconds Later*

"LIGHT!"

"What the hell do you want, L?!"

"Lying computer bitch."


	24. 24- Attractive

Disclaimer: The Maiden of Autumn owns nothing.

**********************Attractive**

* * *

"Hey, Light," L said causally one day, causing Light to look up from the paper he finally had gotten around to writing.

"Yeah, L?"

"I read somewhere that when people see someone they find to be attractive, they all have different reactions depending on their levels of confidence and differing personalities." Cocking his head to the side, L then asked, "What do you do?"

Light sat and thought about it for a moment. What did he do…?

He smirked as an answer came to him, and he set his pen down, leaned back, and gave L a smile. "Well, L, what I do when I see someone that I think is attractive is stare, then smile, and then when I get tired, I put the mirror down."


	25. 25- Alphabet

Disclaimer: The Maiden of Autumn owns nothing.

**********************Alphabet**

* * *

Light hated to admit it, but when he was younger, he had struggled in algebra somewhat.

Math was math; and math was numbers.

So what the fuck were x and y and a and b and c and all these other damn letters doing in his math problems?!

Light had figured it out eventually, though, and now math in any shape or form came easy to him.

But he couldn't help but smirk when he was tutoring Sayu in math one day and L came ambling by, looking over Sayu's shoulder and skimming over the problems laid out for her. Sayu, of course, didn't know L was there, (he had chosen to remain incorporeal that day) and was expressing her frustration by damning whoever had invented algebra to hell.

And L, being L, of course when he heard her, he grinned and muttered, "And then Satan said, 'Put the alphabet in math…'"


	26. 26- Keys

Disclaimer: The Maiden of Autumn owns nothing.

**Keys**

* * *

"L, where did I put my car keys?!" Light frantically patted his pockets, looking for the thing that was the difference between a job and no job. He had already had so many late days at his work because the sight of L, rumpled and sleepy and sexily disheveled was too irresistible some days.

Yawning and showcasing his -adorable- white fangs, L rolled over slightly, pointing over his shoulder with his tail, wriggling it in the direction of Light's jacket. "They're in your left jacket pocket."

Frowning, Light patted his jacket packet, pulling them out to his shock. He stared incredulously at L's form, still dozing away on the bed. "But… you were asleep when I had to have put them there! I came in late last night! How did you know that?"

Lifting his head up, L gave Light an admittedly creepy smile. "There are many things I know about you, Light." And then, he rolled back over, leaving a disturbed Light to stare at the back of L's head and slowly back out of the room.


	27. 27- Childhood

Disclaimer: The Maiden of Autumn owns nothing.

**Dale:** The chapters are so short because they're drabbles- which, if my understanding of them is correct, they're short little snippets. Did I put that they were drabbles on the summary...? Wait, wait... oh, okay. I guess I did. But yeah, drabbles. And, the prompts I use for the drabbles aren't really enough to do anything more _than_ short little snippets with- and sometimes the (lame) funniness of them is taken away if I add anything more to them.

Besides, I think some of them are at least two paragraphs... Right? Let's go with that, yeah?

Fluff instead of humor this time. You know you wanted it... besides, the prompt wasn't right for humor this time. Ah, well. Roll with it and all that jazz.

**Childhood**

* * *

_You pretty much know your childhood is over_, Light thought to himself sadly as he regained consciousness, groaning as he woke up from his late-night, impromptu nap, _when you fall asleep on the fucking couch and wake up on the fucking couch._

Suddenly, Light became aware of a slight weight on his upper body and he looked down, his mood suddenly lifting. L, who had gone to bed before him, had apparently left their bed to curl up with him on the couch.

L could have moved him, certainly- being a demon, he possessed more than enough strength to do so. But he most likely had chosen not to, not wanting to risk the chance of Light waking up. So instead, he had made himself comfortable on top of Light.

_But then again,_ Light reconsidered, looking down at the incubus curled up on top of him, whose white shirt was riding up his torso and tail was curled around Light's upper thigh, uncurling and curling in a sort of palming motion in his sleep, _I really don't mind leaving my childhood behind as long as I get to wake up to this._

And then, smiling, Light shifted gently to avoid disturbing the incubus snoozing on top of him, and wrapped his arms around L's slim chest, pulling the raven-haired demon closer to him and drifting back off to sleep.


	28. 28- Pranked

Disclaimer: The Maiden of Autumn owns nothing.

Yeah, about the original story... working on it, promise. Pinky swear, yeah?

**Pranked**

* * *

"Hey, Light. Look."

L pointed in front of them, and Light automatically turned his head to follow L's finger. It was a bit hard to find who L was pointing at, as they were at the mall, and there was a very large crowd around them.

He eventually surmised that L was indicating to a rather muscular and tattooed man that had large tunnel plugs inserted into his earlobes, standing idly just a few feet in front of them.

"At who?" Light asked, jerking his chin at the man with the tunnel plugs. "Him?"

L nodded, a small, wicked smile creeping onto his face. "I have an idea…"

Light's eyes narrowed; that smile combined with those words never did bode well. "L, I don't know what you're thinking, but-"

"Be right back. Get ready to run." And with those words, L was gone, slipping away from Light and making his way stealthily to the man with the tunnel plugs, silently creeping up behind him.

Unable to get L back to him without creating a commotion, Light could only watch in apprehension as L sneakily pulled out a miniature padlock from his pocket- where the hell had he had time to get that?- and raised it as he inched closer to the man, resisting the way the crowd pressed against him and threatened to divert him from his course.

What L was planning with that little lock clicked for Light and a rush of mixed anticipation and dread swept through him. Dread, because this was not going to turn out well- how could it?- and anticipation, because the thought of what L was going to do _was_ funny.

Light watched as L finally was just right behind the man with the tunnel plugs. Rising the hand with the lock to the man's ear level, he then tapped the man's broad shoulder. He turned around to face L and the incubus quickly snapped the padlock locked onto the man's earlobe, though the large hole created by the tunnel plug. Then before the man had time to recover, L flashed a smile at the stunned man, whirled and sprinted back to Light, pushing people out of his way as he did so.

It didn't take long for the man to recover, and anger suffused his face as he grabbed his ear with the padlock snapped onto it, realized what had happened, and started to run forwards, pointing at L and Light, whom L had just reached.

L snatched ahold of Light's sleeve as he sprinted by, forcing Light to whirl around and be tugged along after the manically-grinning incubus. Footsteps sounded behind them, and chancing a glance back, Light could see the angry man with the padlock swinging from his ear sprinting after them. The padlock was swinging from the large hole in his earlobe, and the thought that the man would not be able to get the lock off without some sort of locksmith- because L certainly hadn't supplied him with a key- made Light's lips twist in amusement. Okay, so despite that they had a man who wanted to beat the shit out of them chasing after them, Light was not such a stick in the mud that he failed to find this hilarious.

But his amusement didn't distract him from the fact that they had a very furious man running after them, intent on retaliating for what L had done.

"So what now, you insane fucking demon?!" Light panted, knowing the man and a few others who had witnessed what L had done were right behind them.

L, streaking along right next to him, only flashed him an impish grin. "Now? We run like fuck and hope we don't get caught!"

Yes, life with L never ceased to be boring.


	29. 29- Interesting

Disclaimer: The Maiden of Autumn owns nothing.

I have a blog. It's where I rant and rave about various things in my life, talk about the progess on my stories and take out my frustration at the stalker I seem to have acquired (not cool, yo). If you want to see how things are going on my stories, go to my website, www. theautumnrealm . weebly . com (without the spaces, of course) and go to the blog link up top. I also have some art for a few of my stories, as well as a few more of these little suckers that aren't up on yet and some better-edited versions of my stories that I'm trying to finish cross-posting.

Go check it out if you haven't yet, yeah?

Self-promotion, you say?

Wouldn't dream of it.

**Interesting**

* * *

L had a funny way of making everything they did interesting and fun. It was something Light loved about L, and the time L had made a rather interesting discovery while they were in the waiting room of the doctor's office while waiting for the doctor to examine Light for his physical for tennis season at college was no exception.

"Light, Light! Come look at this!" L had dragged him from his seat- thank God L had chosen his human's physical form today, because he didn't have the heart to freak out all these people by getting yanked across the room by an invisible presence- and proceeded to point at one of the chairs with a smirk on his face.

"What, L?"

Then, Light looked down, and what he saw there nearly made him burst out in raucous laughter.

"Someone just drew Misa-Misa's face on the suede chair!"

"That, or someone has a very interesting ass, L."


	30. 30- Love

Disclaimer: The Maiden of Autumn owns nothing.

**Love**

* * *

"Hey, Light…"

"What?"

"Just so you know, if we were a pair of birds, I'd share my last worm with you."

_Well, that was random_, Light thought, his brows furrowing. Nevertheless, he went with it, figuring it was L's odd way of expressing his affection.

"That's, uh, very… sweet, L…"

"And if we were dogs, I'd share my string of wieners with you."

_Wieners?_ Light had to school his expression into a sterner one, seeing the look of utmost sincerity on L's face, and didn't want to upset him by laughing.

"That's kinda weird. Who says wieners anymore? They're sausages, L-"

"And if we were sharks, I'd share the human I caught with you."

Light's humor suddenly turned to disgust upon picturing the gruesome image of him gnawing on a human arm while L munched on a leg and he grimaced.

Okay.

"…That's just fucking disgusting and disturbing, L."


	31. 31- Breasts

Disclaimer: The Maiden of Autumn owns nothing.

This prompt came, it conquered, and it kicked my ass. Breasts on a male? Not so cool. A bit weird, but, ah, well. It is what it is, yeah? I tried.

And for the record, you, EveningBlack, made my night with your review. Tickles me pink to know that people do think this is somewhat funny and actually good, despite the lameness of my sense of humor. And speaking of which, thanks to you as well, VampireDoll666 and Seishirou Hitsugaya for your faithful reviews.

Remmy... I'm sorry I have not replied to you for the past, what was it, week? Some serious pranking shit went down in my life that I promise to rant about to you and waste your time with when I finally get my ass in gear and write the damn message. Oh, and my stalker issue. That one I was telling you about? Octopus Hands? Yeah. Not cool, bro.

I broke my pinky finger, everyone, if you care to know. My right one. My paragraph-ing, period-ing, and comma-ing efficiency has decreased by about, oh, 95.8% because of this. And I can't play the piano. And I type funny. Luckily, OSTIC's chapter was done and ready to be up on Saturday before this happened, otherwise, I think I'd be facing serious problems. Like in TBTKYWMD... Heh.

And bloody hell, I've rambled on, haven't I? Ah, sorry. I really should do this in my blog. Have I mentioned that I have a blog yet? I have? In the last chapter? Well, go check it out if you haven't.

**Breasts**

* * *

"Hey, Light... did you know that studies have suggested that staring at breasts increase heart health?" L asked Light one day, narrowing his eyes. He didn't think that Light would try to cheat on him or anything, but still… this might be a good test. He knew Light was straight before L had awoken and become attached to him, so one never knew about these types.

Light looked up from where he was cleaning off the counter, getting ready to start dinner. He set his dishrag off to the side and leaned against the counter, propping one elbow against it as he gazed at L thoughtfully, wondering where the hell this had come from.

And then, L's slightly defensive posture as he crouched on top of one of the stools hit him, and he realized what L was doing; this was a test. Smiling, Light shook his head, and then told L, "Well, then, it's a good thing you have nipples, L."

"What?" L asked, taken aback.

"Because I'm still a guy, L," Light explained patiently. "I still like staring at boobs." He then smirked, eyes flicking down to L's thin chest. "But... I'm not going to be staring at any other breasts but yours."


	32. 32- Mirror

Disclaimer: The Maiden of Autumn owns nothing.

Of course I know you, EveningBlack... And thank you!

**Mirror**

* * *

Light was adjusting his tie in their bedroom mirror when L walked by. He paused, meeting Light's eyes in his reflection, and then smirked as he raised a finger to his mouth to nibble on.

"Have you ever caught a glimpse of yourself in the mirror and it just ruined your day?"

"No, L. Can't say that that's happened before," Light sighed, flicking his bangs out of his eyes and regarding himself with a pleased expression.

"Really?" L asked incredulously, raising an eyebrow. Surely Light had bad hair days _sometimes_…

Smiling secretively, Light tilted his head back over his shoulder to wink at L. "Nope. Because I'm a sexy beast."


	33. 33- Batman

Disclaimer: The Maiden of Autumn owns nothing.

So, lovely Friday afternoon, kept getting let outside where the whole class did absolutely fuck-all nothing... Wrote another 13 of these while everyone else socialized. Just me and my laptop, chillin'.

I'm a failure in the social department and I know it. Let's ignore that painfully obvious fact, yeah?

**Batman**

* * *

L had a rather… odd sense of humor, Light found out one day.

It was a day that Light had decided to go to class and L had tagged along, in a surprisingly chipper mood. Light didn't know what had brought it on, but he wasn't about to question the fact that L was actually up and making breakfast before Light was.

It was an anomaly, and Light had treaded carefully around L all day, afraid that one misstep might make the world end or something. L was never, never happy like this in the morning.

On their way out of school, a girl that sat by Light in a few of his classes had stopped them, wanting to be introduced to Light's new "friend."

After talking for awhile, a topic change had led the girl to spilling her heart about her relationship problems- not a good move, Light was to conclude later.

"I'm having serious relationship issues! My boyfriend says he wants to see other girls and I don't know how to convince him to stay with me!" she wailed. Desperately, she turned to L, asking, "Do you have any advice? You seem so educated!"

L paused for a moment, thinking, before a smirk slid across his face- the first warning sign that L was going to do something to fuck with the girl- and he replied, "Actually, I do."

The girl brightened, wiping the runny mascara off of her cheeks and gave L a watery smile. "Really? Oh, my God, I'm so happy."

"It's quite simple, really," L explained calmly. "We kill the Batman."

Silence. And then-

Light buried his face in his hand, stifling a startled laugh as the girl stuttered out, "What- what the hell? Are you kidding me right now? This is serious! I'm having relationship issues, dude!"

L simply cocked his head to the side. "Why so serious?"

The girl bristled at this, leveling a heavy glare upon L. "Was that genuine or just another Joker reference?!"

"I know how you feel," L started, and Light couldn't help but smile, because L improvising like this was pretty fucking hilarious, at least to him. And, in a way, he really couldn't feel sorry for the girl, because this was the same chick that went through about 2 boyfriends per week. Divine retribution and karma and all that.

"So, I had a girlfriend," L said conversationally. "She was quite beautiful, just like you. She used to tell me that I ought to smile more."

"Seriously? You should just… oh, my God. Just… fuck off, okay?" the girl said, shaking her head in disgust.

"A little fight in you, I see," L said, and then as the girl walked off, called after her, "I like that!"


	34. 34- Mission

Disclaimer: The Maiden of Autumn owns nothing.

**Mission**

* * *

Light sighed as he opened the door to their fridge, running a hand through his hair as he observed they were out of milk. Again.

If he didn't know for sure that L was a male, he'd think that L did indeed, have a bun in the oven. Because for the last few weeks, the incubus had been having a large craving for milk.

And Oreos.

Usually that was fine and Light wouldn't have a problem with that, but Light needed milk to go with his Raisin Bran and they were out.

And it was L's fault.

Therefore, L needed to go out into the cold winter morning and get their milk bottles from the front step. Because he absolutely refused to venture out there.

Turning to his lover, he said, "L, I want you to do me a favor…"

L, who was immersed in reading a book- oh, God, another yaoi manga, though Light shouldn't be surprised because L was a sex demon- looked up before he returned to his manga, dismissing him and said, "No, Light. I'm busy."

Scrubbing his hand across his face, Light smirked as another solution came to him, and then he told L, "I'll pay you in sex."

It was silent for a moment, before L put away his manga carefully and deliberately, then looked up at Light with an intense, determined look in his eyes. "…What is my mission?!"


	35. 35- Einstein

Disclaimer: The Maiden of Autumn owns nothing.

**Einstein**

* * *

"Albert Einstein once said that if you run naked around a tree at about 87 km/h, there's a possibility of fucking yourself. I find that stupid,"Light said scathingly, reading directly from the book in his hand.

"Why, Light?" L asked curiously, raising an inky black eyebrow. He paused with one hand in the cookie jar, his black tail waving back and forth in interest at Light's words. Light tossed aside the book he had just read that quote from and smiled at L, leering and raising an eyebrow.

L's eyes narrowed- that smile usually heralded some serious pain for his ass was coming up in the near future…

"Why would I want to fuck myself when I've got you?"


	36. 36- Finals

Disclaimer: The Maiden of Autumn owns nothing.

Finals are coming up in May. One month away. Oh my hell, people, I'm not ready for this! Remember back in December, when I had to take a temporary haitus until finals were over?

You can probably suspect I'll be doing that again... Just a friendly heads-up.

As for the Einstein prompt last chapter, I'm sure it wasn't a theory, just something he was quoted as saying. Either way, I rolled with it.

**Finals**

* * *

"Hey, Light. Look over there at that kid." L was sitting directly behind him, pointy chin resting on Light's shoulder and arms wrapped loosely around Light's waist, squeezing him loosely. That was one nice thing about having an incubus for a lover that no one else could see- Light could allow things like this and not have to worry about getting odd looks or yelled at for PDA.

Light's head discreetly turned in the direction L's tail was extended and wriggling in, seeing out of the corner of his eyes that L's own were open wide, staring at aforementioned "kid" with a disturbed look in them.

"What about him?" Light asked, taking in the person L was talking about. It was another student seated at a different computer table, hunched over and intensely examining a picture of what seemed to be broccoli that was pulled up on the screen of the computer he was situated at.

"He's been staring at that picture of broccoli for about 15 minutes now. He just keeps zooming in and out and looking over every branch. It's freaking me out, Light," L said, wrapping his tail around Light's waist as well, eyeing the human in question with a helathy amount of wariness and suspicion.

Light simply chuckled and shrugged, dismissing it.

"…I guess finals week has really taken a lot out of some people."

L really had a lot to learn about the last few weeks of a semester as a college student.


	37. 37- Toast

Disclaimer: The Maiden of Autumn owns nothing.

**Toast**

* * *

"Light."

"Yeah?"

"I want you to try something for me."

"What is it, L?"

"Say: loast, coast, roast, ghost, host, woast, post, quost, nost, boast."

Light did, repeating them all and getting an inkling as to where L was going with this.

Then, when Light finished, L smiled. "Now, what do you put in a toaster?"

"Bread, L," Light said, smiling and shaking his head at L's attempts to trick him.

At that moment, the toaster's bell dinged, and L scowled as he retrieved the pieces of toast, spreading butter and jam over them as he glared balefully at Light, his tail and wings drooping.

Damn.


	38. 38- Buttons

Disclaimer: The Maiden of Autumn owns nothing.

**Buttons**

* * *

"L, what are you doing?" Light came to a halt in the entrance of their living room, blinking as he was presented with a view of his lover's jean-clad ass.

His lover's very nice, very _available_ jean-clad ass.

Complete with a sexy tail waving invitingly up in the air.

L paused in what he was doing, looking over his shoulder and then at the couch cushions strewn over the room, the couch debris L had scattered around the floor, and looked up to Light, giving him a sheepish smile and a small shrug.

His wings fluttered helplessly, and his tail flicked back and forth as he answered with an abashed grin. "I'm looking for the remote to the TV."

Light resisted the urge to smack himself in the face, counting to five before he set aside his mug of hot tea and offered to help L look for it, much to the incubus's pleasure.

And Light couldn't help but smile inwardly as he watched L frown in concentration as he looked, because L was one of those people who, no matter how long it took, would spend the time looking for the remote knowing full well that there are also buttons on the TV.


	39. 39- Honest

Disclaimer: The Maiden of Autumn owns nothing.

I don't... I just don't know.

**Honest**

* * *

"People who use a lot of swear words tend to be more honest and trustworthy, human behavioral studies suggest," Light read out loud from a magazine he had snatched from the table in the doctor's waiting room.

L looked up from where he was studying the suede chairs, idly drawing patterns in the material of the suede chairs to amuse himself. He paid no nevermind to the people who gave the odd pair questioning looks- he could really care less.

"Your point is, Light…?" L asked.

Smirking, Light looked over the front of his magazine before returning to reading it, snapping the pages once. "I'm just relieved that I don't have to worry about you faking your pleasure during sex, with how loudly you're screaming out curses like there's no tomorrow. You're probably the most trustworthy person out there, L," Light said nonchalantly, blatantly ignoring the way L's eyes went wide in shock and an obviously eavesdropping, teenaged girl over in the corner promptly started choking on her lollipop.


	40. 40- Adios

Disclaimer: The Maiden of Autumn owns nothing.

Oh, my hell. 69 reviews. Made my day.

**Adios**

* * *

"So, Light… it's the last day of your third year in college. Summer break starts today."

"Yes," Light said, smiling happily, looking over as he walked over to the tree he usually sat under to eat his lunch. It gave him and L some cover, so no one would witness him getting cozy with his incubus lover that usually chose to not be seen by anyone else.

All around them, people were already gearing up to say goodbye, tears running down a few girls' faces and people exchanging phone numbers.

Light, however, L noticed, looked remarkably undisturbed by it all. Of course, he knew Light didn't really care much for his other classmates, but still… "Aren't you sad that you won't see all these people until next year?" L asked Light as they made their way to the tree in no real hurry.

Light glanced at L, raising an eyebrow. "What, you think I'm gonna go all, 'OMG, I'm gonna miss you all so much?'" Light squealed in a rather good imitation of many girls at their school.

L smirked as Light shook his head, snorting. "Well, then, what are your true feelings?"

Light smiled as he sat down, resting his back against the rough bark of the tree. "Honestly, L? I'm happy."

"Yes, I can see that. Well, imagine you are one of those girls you just imitated. What would you say? Just out of pure curiousity."

Light leaned his head back, lips curling into a mischievous grin as he answered unhesitatingly, "Adios, bitchachos!"


	41. 41- Great

Disclaimer: The Maiden of Autumn owns nothing.

**Great**

* * *

L loved having Light as his lover. He was extremely good-looking, intelligent, humorous, and just… perfect.

And that was only reinforced when Light was making a chocolate cake one day. L sidled into the kitchen, hearing the beaters turn on, hopped on top of a kitchen stool, and patiently waited until Light was done.

And then, he held out his hand and Light silently handed the batter-coated beaters to L, who smiled and contentedly began cleaning them off as Light finished the cake.

Yes, L thought, watching Light gracefully move around the kitchen. Light was quite the great boyfriend.

Great because _good_ just wasn't enough.

Because_ good_ boyfriends let their boyfriends lick the beaters.

But _great_ boyfriends such as Light made sure the beaters were turned off first.


	42. 42- Chicken

Disclaimer: The Maiden of Autumn owns nothing.

I have decided Autocorrect is my new worst enemy. Little bitch keeps fucking with my words and switching them around. Gah. See any misplaced words in my stories? Ones that shouldn't be there? Yeah. Blame... *points at Autocorrect* ...that little bitch right there.

**Chicken**

* * *

"Hey, Light. Why did the chicken cross the road?"

Light looked up and over at L, seeing the incubus bearing a wide smile on his pale face. He repressed the urge to groan; L's jokes were always horrible. Still, he decided to humor the incubus, knowing L would sulk if he didn't. "I don't know, L. Why?"

"To get to the gay man's house."

Light's eyebrows raised before he shook his head in confusion. "L… I'm not sure I get it…" he admitted.

L didn't reply that, but instead said, his smirk only growing, "Knock, knock."

Oh, for the love of-

"…Who's there?" Light asked irritably.

"The chicken."

There was a beat of silence before Light shook his head, a small smile unwillingly quirking his lips up. "That's awful."

"-ly funny…" L finished, smirking.


	43. 43- Balanced

Disclaimer: The Maiden of Autumn owns nothing.

...There might be an upadate on Bloody Symphonies today. Might. MIGHT. Maybe. Perhance. Just sayin'. Maybe. There's a chance it might happen. Don't quote me on it, though. You didn't see or hear anything, got it?

**Balanced**

* * *

"L," Light sighed one day, making the incubus look up, his cheeks stuffed full of freshly-baked cookie. "You need to eat better. You might not need it, but it's driving me nuts to have to watch you stuff yourself full of junk food."

L raised an eyebrow, chewed a few times, and then swallowed."Well, what do you suggest, Light?" he questioned.

"That you eat a balanced diet," Light suggested, picking up a celery stick that was going to be used in their dinner that night and brandishing it in front of L.

L eyed the green sticklike vegetable wiht disgust before he shook his head.

"A balanced diet? I do eat a balanced diet, Light," L said, frowning in confusion, though a devilish glint was in his eye.

"Prove it," Light challenged with a cocked eyebrow of his own.

Smirking, L brought his hands up in front of him, showing off two cupcakes held in each of them, though when L got ahold of them, Light had no clue. "A balanced diet is a cupcake in each hand."


	44. 44- Toaster

Disclaimer: The Maiden of Autumn owns nothing.

VampireDoll666: I fear that L is Light's and Light might be upset if you were to try and steal his precious incubus away.*Smiles* But L is very pleased to learn that you think he is awesome and thanks you immensely.

**Toaster**

* * *

This was it. This time, he would do it. No longer would it intimidate him, no longer would it scare him and startle him into having a near-heart attack everytime he went to make himself breakfast.

Determinedly, L grabbed two pieces of bread out of the bag and defiantly set them inside the toaster, eyes narrowed and set as he did so. "This time, you won't scare me, toast maker!" L said determinedly.

To get a better perspective, he crouched down, bracing his hands on the edge of the countertop, narrowed black eyes peeking over the edge and eyeing the toaster with a hearty amount of suspicion. "I'm watching you…" L hissed, slitted eyes never leaving the evil contraption.

A minute ticked by and L didn't move, his wings still and folded tightly across his back, tail held high and whole body tense as he was determined not be scared out of his daylights when the toaster finally went off.

Bzzz, bzzz….

The sudden sound distracted L momentarily, and he stood, turning around to see what the noise was. A small black dot was hovering just behind him, buzzing and flying about erratically.

"Hey, a fly…"

**PING!**

Toast exploded out of the toaster with the sharp, high sound of the timer going off.

_"MOTHERFUC-!"_

L jumped, eyes comically wide, wings flared out and tail held straight out in shock, his heart almost stopping at the sudden sound and popping of the toast, shooting straight up into the sky.


	45. 45- Protons

Disclaimer: The Maiden of Autumn owns nothing.

VampireDoll666: Light is also pleased that you think he is sex on legs, because _Light_ thinks he is sex on legs as well. And as long as you promise to take them as a pair, it makes him more inclined to allow you to take them both away.

...And the toaster prompt last chapter? Exactly what happened to me in the kitchen one day. I simply rewrote it with what happened to me happening to L.

Fly and everything.

Oh, God.

The fly.

Little bastard.

**Protons**

* * *

L loved the fact that Light was so brilliant. Especially in chemistry. He especially loved watching Light in chemistry, just because it was fascinating to watch Light figure everything out so quickly.

And the fact that he could make witty, nerdy comebacks when the time arose was a bonus, too.

One day, while shadowing Light around during chemistry, there was this one boy in class that found out Light had a boyfriend instead of a girlfriend and decided to give him some shit about it….

"At least I have a girlfriend!" the kid said triumphantly, obviously thinking this was supposed to win the argument, this proof of his 'obvious' manliness.

But Light was not fazed one bit by this.

"Whatever," Light replied, rolling his eyes. "Your girlfriend has 67 protons."

The whole class had gone silent in order to watch the resident supposedly gay genius (though Light wasn't really gay and L was the only exception to the rule) and some random kid duke it out over Light's sexual orientation.

Upon hearing Light's words, the whole class, with the exception of L, who only smirked knowingly, looked over to the periodic table hung up on the wall. L already knew what Light was talking about; the element with 67 protons is holmium, which has the chemical symbol "Ho."

Light had just used chemistry to call someone's girlfriend a ho.

As the whole class laughed and the boy's ears burned red in shame, helooked over to the incubus that was only visible to him and shared the pleased smirk that was present on L's face.


	46. 46- Spiders

Disclaimer: The Maiden of Autumn owns nothing.

**Spiders**

* * *

"Light."

"..."

"Light."

"..."

"_Light._"

"What?"

"Get me a newspaper, please," L asked quietly, finally gaining the attention of his human. He was in no position to get the thing himself.

Light looked up from his organic chemistry homework, raising a brow. "A newspaper?" he asked skeptically. L had never really shown an interest in current events in the news before, but perhaps he was simply bored. Dismissing it, Light set aside his pencil and picked up his iPad, leaning back in his chair to hand it off to L, who was crouched upon the bed. "Nobody uses a newspaper anymore. Here, use my iPad."

L blinked as he took the slim, sleek, rectangular device, eyeing it with a measure of curiosity. "Oh. Okay. Thanks, Light."

Light nodded and went back to his homework. L gripped the rectangular device and turned his attention back to the little black 8-legged 8-eyed creature perched smugly upon his pillow that had been staring him down for the past 5 minutes.

_Not today, bitch. That pillow is mine._

Smirking, L raised the iPad above his head and brought it swiftly down with a _whump_, crushing the nuisance beneath the iPad's silver surface.

The spider never knew what hit it.


	47. 47- Juice

Disclaimer: The Maiden of Autumn owns nothing.

**Juice**

* * *

"L, get out of the fridge."

"No."

"L, get out."

"No, Light."

"Jesus fucking Christ, why is it all cartons of apple juice?"

"They are my brethren."

"Why are they all empty-oh my God, did you drink them all?"

"This is my home jam."

"What?"

"I'm home."

_Note to self: Never give L potato chips before bed. Studies suggest the high amount of salt contained within the chips fuck with L's mind. _

_Apple juice._

_Jesus._


	48. 48- Territory

Disclaimer: The Maiden of Autumn owns nothing.

Who? Me? Did I take my medication? How do YOU know if I'm on medication? Huh? HUH?! _HUH?!_

... Fuck.

*Slinks off to take meds*

**Territory**

* * *

"Light, I know that it was nice of you to offer to let Sayu stay with us while your parents are out of town, but a few problems have been cropping up."

"Like what?" Light asked, pausing momentarily in adjusting his tie. Tilting his head back, he glanced at L, seeing a mildly annoyed expression on the demon's pale, thin face.

"Just little things… like when I go into the bathroom-" L started, but Light cut him off.

"Whoa, wait," Light said, finished adjusting his tie, finally turning to face the incubus with a raised eyebrow. "You don't need to go to the bathroom, L."

Upon which L gave him a deadpanned look, saying, "Light. I still need the mirror to see what I look like when I wake up. Remember the time you left me handcuffed to the bed overnight and I didn't know that it had given me a bad case of bed-head and we were late for breakfast at your parent's house and it was really, really awkward to explain why part of my hair was flattened on one side and not the other and-"

"Alright, L!" Light sighed, shaking his head in exasperation. "Get to the damn point!"

"I keep finding these," and here L held up a single black bobby pin, "on the counter of the bathroom. They're always there, no matter how many I keep throwing away. They keep coming back, Light," L insisted. "It's like Night of the Living Bobby Pins or some shit like that."

"…"

Light stared incredulously at the incubus that appeared to be, for all intents and purposes, wholly serious.

Raising a finger, L then concluded, "And, I am now firmly convinced that leaving these is how females mark their territory."


	49. 49- Flirt

Disclaimer: The Maiden of Autumn owns nothing.

**Flirt**

* * *

"Hey, L, I've noticed…" Light started one day as he was putting groceries away, having just gotten back from the store.

L, who had went with him- albeit invisibly, because he couldn't be bothered with actually putting shoes on and the other necessities of appearing human – and was now perched upon a chair by the table, watching Light move about the kitchen, looked up.

"Yes?" he enquired.

Pausing, Light turned to face L, brows furrowed as he posed his question. "Well, whenever I go to the store, there are always female cashiers trying to flirt with me. And I realized that over the course of the first few weeks we were attached together, you never once attempted to flirt with me in order to get me to like you. You just rushed headlong in."

Leaning back on the edge of the counter, Light folded his arms, gazing at L with speculation in his eyes. "Why?"

L blinked, and then answered as if it were the most obvious thing in the world. "Because I know people like you, Light," he told the human, rolling his eyes. "Flirting was too boring to hold your attention. I had to try something more drastic."

"Oh, really? Like what?"

L gave Light a little smile and a one-shouldered shrug, tail flicking about mischievously. "I don't need to flirt, Light. I seduced you with my awkwardness."


	50. 50- Call

Disclaimer: The Maiden of Autumn owns nothing.

Tried this before. Worked like a charm.

**Call**

* * *

"Ugh, I'm sick of all these toll free calls!" Light exclaimed, hitting the 'call ended' button on the phone and replacing it into its holder, shaking his head in annoyance.

"What?" L looked up, raising an eyebrow. Toll-free calls...?

"Oh, right. You don't know… they're calls from salespeople from different companies, trying to sell me things," Light explained exasperatedly.

"Hm. I see," L said, bobbing his head. "Yes, that would be very annoying. You know, you need to find some way to drive them off."

"I don't know how!" Light sighed.

L nodded contemplatively, tail twitching behind him in thought. He brought a finger up to his lips to mouth at and then nodded to himself, seeming to come to a conclusion within his mind.

"Here, next time the phone rings, give it to me," he told Light.

* * *

"Hey, Light, are you going to answer that?"

"I don't know…" Light sighed, snatching the ringing phone and giving the screen a cursory glance. "Let me check the caller I.D… ah, it's another toll-free call… hey, what are you doing?" Light exclaimed as L's versatile tail snagged the phone from Light's hand and brought it back to L.

He dropped the phone into his hand and grinned at Light. "Getting rid of the pest for you."

With a wink, L brought the phone up to his ear and said, "Jim's whore house. You got the dough, we got the ho."

"…"

Silence from the other end, and then-

_Click._

With a pleased smirk, L turned the phone off, dropped it onto the couch, and turned to Light. "Piece of cake."


	51. 51- Kiss

Disclaimer: The Maiden of Autumn owns nothing.

**Kiss**

* * *

"You know, Light, 'kissing' is such a dumb word."

"Yeah?" Light opened his eyes, focusing them on L's face, tilted down to look at him better. A thoughtful, contemplative look was present upon the demon's face, a thumb brought up so that he could mouth at it while he thought. The other was being ran through his hair, smoothing out and running through the soft strands. "Why do you say that?"

"'Face battle' sounds much cooler," L said with a smile, black eyes sparkling in amusement.

Light thought about that for a moment and then nodded, the back of his head rubbing against the worn-out denim of L's jeans pleasantly. "I guess you're kind of right, L… it does sound cooler."

There was a minute of peaceful silence as Light closed his eyes once more, enjoying the feel of L's long, slim fingers tangling in his hair, and then-

"Hey, Light?"

"What, L?"

"…May I challenge you to a face battle, my good sir?"


	52. 52- School

Disclaimer: The Maiden of Autumn owns nothing.

Formatting is a bitch. I swear, it's in a conspiracy with Autuocorrect... Bastards.

**School**

* * *

_Hey, L. Are you coming to the school today and walk home with me or are you just going to wait at home?_

_I had to run to the store, so I'll be there. _L texted back one-handedly, as there was a plastic bag filled with much-needed groceries hanging from the wrist of his other one. Since Light had entered college, it had become a habit for L to stay home some days and take care of things around their apartment and run errands while Light went to classes.

But it had also become a habit for L to walk home with Light, going to the college and waiting until classes were done for the day later in the afternoon.

_What entrance are you going to be at? _L thought to send a moment later.

It was Wednesday, so Light had his biochemical engineering class, which meant that they were either at the lab at the end of the building or at the classroom at the front. Light hadn't mentioned anything about a lab today, but it might have slipped his mind…

A moment later, L's phone buzzed and he slid a finger across the screen to unlock it, tapping on the message. His eyebrows rose as he read the message that was decidedly _not _from Light, slowing down as annoyance overtook him.

_Dear Light's "boyfriend." This is Light's professor, Mr. Yokoro. I would appreciate it if you didn't contact Light during class. I will now be confiscating his phone until Friday._

_…Oh, fuck you. _L texted back, a surge of irritation overtaking him. _ Now I get why Light hates you._

Then, he put his phone on silence, tucked it into his back pocket, stepped behind a tree and turned incorporeal, snapping his wings out and flying home to drop off the groceries before he returned to the college.

No one messed with the boyfriend of an incubus that could turn incorporeal and invisible and could make that person's life a living hell, Light's teacher was to learn.


	53. 53- Feel

Disclaimer: The Maiden of Autumn owns nothing.

**Feel**

* * *

Light watched as L dipped a freshly-baked chocolate chip cookie in a cup of milk, obsidian-black eyes brimming with anticipation and wholly focused on their task. But then, tragedy struck as L went to lift the cookie up and out of the glass.

It broke in half, leaving the incubus with half a dry cookie in his hand, the other half of the treat slowly sinking soggily to the bottom of the glass to rest there and dissolve into a mushy glob.

L blinked in surprise, assessed the situation silently for a moment and then sulkily, he took a bite of dry cookie, leveling a deathly glare at the glass of milk that had stolen his cookie from him.

Light couldn't help but be amused at seeing L chew on the cookie unhappily. Taking the oppurtunity presented to him, Light leaned forwards, propping his elbow on the granite countertop and chin in hand. Reaching out, he poked the incubus' shoulder, gaining L's attention, and then with a grin, offered, "You know, L, if you're feeling down, I could… _feel you up_."


	54. 54- McDonald's

Disclaimer: The Maiden of Autumn owns nothing.

...Incorporate "Feel" into the actual story? Hm... Well... Might be difficult... But for you, EveningBlack, my love, I shall try.

...Realm's updated. Chapters are easier to get to. Mystery Button is fucking awesome. Don't click it.

**McDonald's**

* * *

"You know, there's certain things that I'm very grateful for in life," L said off-handedly as Light pulled away from the drive-through of McDonalds. It wasn't very often that Light deigned to eat there, but L liked their strawberry shakes, and as long as he didn't have to eat anything, he didn't mind going there for L.

At a red stoplight, he turned momentarily to cock an eyebrow at L and ask, "Like what?"

Taking a slurp of his shake, L swallowed and then replied, "Well, one is the fact that McDonald's doesn't sell hotdogs."

"Why's that?" Light asked, stepping on the gas pedal as the light turned green.

L shrugged, taking another sip of his shake. "I don't think I could ever order a McWeiner with a straight face."


	55. 55- Energy

Disclaimer: The Maiden of Autumn owns nothing.

...They... had... McWeiners?! Fuckkkk... why did they discontinue them?! GAH! ...I'd totally order a McWeiner. Just sayin'. You were right, Remmy. I would.

**Energy**

* * *

"Light."

"Light."

"Light."

"Mphh… Go the hell away, L."

"Light."

"Light."

"Light."

"What the hell, L-" Light started irately, raising up onto his elbows, but he abruptly froze upon seeing the demon that was crouched on the bed to the right of him, leaning over Light so his face was only a few centimeters away from Light's own.

"Oh my God L, what the fuck's wrong with you?! Your eyes are dilated and you're shaking so badly, you're almost vibrating! What happened?!"

"Light."

"L!"

"Light. I made coffee with Red Bull this morning."

Light stared at L incredulously, before he remembered that Sayu had accidentally left a Red Bull in the fridge the last time she had come to visit. But why the hell had L...

"What the fuck?"

What had possessed him to do such a thing?

L's eye twitched spastically.

"I can hear you thinking."


	56. 56- Vocabulary

Disclaimer: The Maiden of Autumn owns nothing.

Mother dearest put espresso instead of regular coffee in the coffee maker yesterday. After 3 cups later that afternoon, I was so hyped up, it wasn't fucking funny. Barely slept at all. Crashed around like, oh, 2 in the _fucking_ morning. God. Didn't wake up until noon. I am now very careful around that goddamned thing. But yeah. That's why I posted Energy. But yeah.

**Vocabulary**

* * *

"Goddammit!" Light hissed as he shut the car door on his fingers, ripping them out and sticking them in his mouth, sucking on them to relieve some of the pain as he leveled a glare at the offending car door. That had fucking hurt, goddammit!

L snickered, having seen the whole thing. "Nice, Light," L smirked in between chuckles, only to have Light swear again, glare turning onto the amused incubus. However, this time, it was as a few girls walked by. They heard Light swearing and L snickering, and one girl rolled her eyes as the group walked past them.

In a rather loud voice, she said, giving Light a disgusted glare, "Oh, my God. Don't you think it's annoying when people think they're cute when they swear because they don't have a vocabulary?"

Light stopped, overhearing the girl. Fed up, he whirled on them, his eyes narrowing into annoyed slits and hissed, "I'll have you know that that's a fucking farcical and erroneous assertion."


	57. 57- Lego

Disclaimer: The Maiden of Autumn owns nothing.

Whoa, hold the fuck up. Two updates in one day? Un-fucking-heard of, I tell you. Meh. Had nothing else to do, so here you have it.

And... *looks around secretively* my inner writer is telling me not to do this, but she might still be crashing from that encounter with espresso. Are there any Of Shadows, Traps, and Infuriating Criminals followers out there? Yeah? You know that one place I'm always promoting? On the Realm? My blog? Yeah.

I've hashed out a tentative ending for OSTIC and put it in that special place that you delightful people that have bothered to take the time to visit the Realm know about. _Sneak Peeks. _Holy fuck. ENDING. Not the _full_ one, mind you, but yeah.

Don't know what the Realm is or where to find my blog? Well, go to my profile, educate yourselves, and stop by there every so often. There's some good stuff there. Up-for adoption stories, sneek peeks... Mystery buttons. Don't pick the mystery button. DON'T CLICK IT. But if you do, be careful which path you choose.

**Legos**

* * *

It wasn't often that L and Light got into a serious argument; there was the general good-natured prodding and poking and teasing that sometimes turned into a fight, but it was never very serious and always ended in a good fuck.

However, the few times that it did escalate into seriousness, it always resorted to dire threats and general wishing of horrible things upon the other.

But it rarely escalated to such serious threats as this…

"I hope you step on a Lego!" L growled, tail lashing angrily behind him, black energy crackling at his fingertips. He hadn't wanted to resort to such extreme measures, but Light had made him so very angry… Cursing someone by hoping that they would step on a Lego was no joking matter.

"Don't you put that curse on me!" Light hissed, recoiling in horror at the dire threat. "Don't you put that evil on me!"


	58. 58- Cereal

Disclaimer: The Maiden of Autumn owns nothing.

FEAR THE LEGOS.

**Cereal**

* * *

"L, it's time to get up."

There was a quiet groan from the lump of blankets, a bit of shifting, and then a pale hand emerged, middle finger raised high in an unmistakable gesture before it slipped back under the blankets. "Fuck off."

Light only sighed, wondering when facing such things in the morning had grown to be the norm. "L. We have to go eat breakfast with my parents this morning."

There was a decidedly displeased sound from the lump of blankets, and then a black tail emerged, prodding at Light in a silent gesture for him to go away. Light winced, but held his ground, refusing to be intimidated. "Well, they can fuck off too," L muttered, snaking his tail back inside the blankets and rolling over when it became apparent that Light was not going to go away and leave him alone.

"…L?" Light enquired, quirking a brow as he regarded the lump of blankets calmly. He reached out to gently roll L back over, resulting in a slew of muffled curses and expletives aimed solely at Light and his ancestors.

"Did you already eat before I was up? Because it seems like someone had an extra bowl of bitch flakes this morning."

L finally poked his head out of the covers, growling irately."You will die, human," L hissed, glowering at Light ill-temperedly.


	59. 59- Incorrectly

Disclaimer: The Maiden of Autumn owns nothing.

... Important update in profile. See profile. Become educated. Maybe cry and curse. I dunno. Go see, yeah?

**Incorrectly**

* * *

"Hey, Light." Light looked up at his lover's calling of his name. L was gazing down at the stick of an ice-cream bar, one of the ones that had those cheesy little questions and riddles on the exposed part, and the answers to them on the part covered by the treat.

"What, L?"

"I have a question for you."

"What is it?"

"Which word in the English dictionary is spelled incorrectly?"

"None. It's a dictionary, L. Unless there's a typo, nothing is going to be spelled incorrectly."

"Yes, there is Light. There is one word that's spelled incorrectly."

"Prove it. Which word?"

"Incorrectly is spelled 'incorrectly'."

"…You're sick, L."


	60. 60- Horny

Disclaimer: The Maiden of Autumn owns nothing.

Yeah. Hiatus thing. Sorry bout that. I'll miss all of you, too- don't cry, EveningBlack! Shh, shh. Thanks to all of the reviewers- I make you guys laugh, and your reviews make me laugh. Karma and all that- it pays off, see? Love you all. 3

Aaaaand...This Saturday. The 18th. New chapter of The Better to Kill You With, My Dear. We cool, yeah? Good. Let's mosey.

One last thing. Figures that I get a good idea for a story as soon as I'm going to be leaving. Tell me, how do you feel about Greek mythology? I'm thinking Oracle!L and Myrmidon/Apollo!Light. Crossover with the movie Troy. Invading the beach and Apollo's temple scene. Cool, yeah? Maybe. I dunno. Fuck it all, finals are frying my brain. I'm out.

**Horny**

* * *

"Ack!" L jumped, eyes snapping wide open as one of his human lover's arms wound around his waist, the other slipping down to grope his ass inside the confines of his worn jeans.

"Light, you're a worse horndog than I am! You're always horny- and me saying that is saying something, because I'm an incubus!" L exclaimed, though he made no move to stop Light as the human's clever fingers starting to undo his jeans slowly and, (curse the sexy human) seductively.

Leering, Light gently started to tug L in the direction of their bedroom, grinning evilly as he explained, "It's not that I'm always horny, L. It's just that you always look so fuckable!"


	61. 61- Depressed

Disclaimer: The Maiden of Autumn owns nothing.

Kind of a tie- in to "Feel."

18th is your birthday, EveningBlack? I shall make you a present! Give me a word and I'll make a prompt of it for the 18th.

**Depressed**

* * *

L didn't get depressed easily. He was an incubus who had an extremely good-looking lover and a constant stream of hot sex and sexual energy to feed off anytime he wished.

So no, L was not often one to get sad.

But there were times that he did get depressed, like when awful, terrible, horrible things happened to him.

Like that depressing moment when he went to dip a freshly-baked chocolate chip cookie in a class of cool milk, and had simply watched as it broke off, floating down to the bottom, and he had just sat there, sadly wondering why bad things happened to good people.


	62. 62- FanboyButt

Disclaimer: The Maiden of Autumn owns nothing.

So… I was given two prompts for this. Either "Fanboy" or "Butt." After laughing for a good solid two minutes, I finally got calmed down and started thinking about it.

…And thought, "Well, why the hell can't I do both?"

Enjoy, EveningBlack, my love. And happy birthday!

**Fanboy/Butt**

* * *

"L. Give that here."

"No, Light."

"Fucking hell, L," Light exclaimed in exasperation, bringing a hand up to rub his temple. "You're being ridiculous."

"Mine!" L hissed, catching the object in his hand closer to his chest, sharp-tipped tail lashing and black eyes narrowing into malice-laced slits as it seemed as if Light would make a grab for it.

Stopping the rubbing of his temples, Light leveled a heavy glare upon the object clutched in L's slim fingers. "Dear God, L, you haven't let go of that since we had it processed!"

"Because I like looking at it!" L protested, holding t away to gaze upon it, before looking back up at Light. "It's nice!"

Blinking, Light paused before he folded his arms and hissed in indignation, "What, and the real version isn't?!"

"It is, Light," L said placatingly, realizing the hole he had just nearly avoided falling into. "It's just not always as convenient as the one here." He waved the object at Light, only to snatch it away once more when Light growled and grabbed for it.

"L-!" Light said vehemently, seeing L's attention return to the object clutched in his hands. "I can't believe you're acting like this!"

"Like what, Light?" Momentarily distracted, it was all Light needed to snatch the thing away from L, holding it up and away from L as the incubus gave a dismayed cry, wings fluttering as he jumped up from his crouch in indignation.

"L! I can't believe you, of all people, are going fanboy over a picture of my butt!" Light said, holding said close-up picture of said butt away from L. "I don't understand why you just can't look at mine! It's there!" Light exclaimed, gesturing in the general posterior area.

"You're being totally irrational, Light," L grumbled, looking at Light piteously, black eyes flitting up to the picture. "I can't very well see your butt when you're sitting down or facing away from me, you know. I'm still looking at yours- just in another way!"


	63. 63- Arrest

Disclaimer: The Maiden of Autumn owns nothing.

HA! I have been without Wi-Fi for the past few days, (absolute HELL, because Skyping from a phone, writing PMs and working to update the Realm on same said phone sucks hardcore) but as of five minutes ago it was back up and I can now continue on with my life. Life is now alright. And the fact that finals are done... Whew. Seriously. Remember "Finals"? Yeah. Broccoli kid was me the past few days. Not a pretty sight. Moving on.

A bit on the fluffy side this time...

**Arrest**

* * *

_It's the little things that make life interesting,_ Light thought to himself one day, upon contemplating his and L's relationship.

Especially little things like having his wrists suddenly yanked roughly behind him, snapped together with handcuffs, and a deep voice purr in his ear, "You're under arrest for being too sexy. Your sentence is an eternity inside my heart."

"And your bed?" Light asked, tilting his head backwards with a smirk, not resisting his "arrest" in the slightest.

"Of course," L agreed instantaneously, pushing Light forwards and in the general direction of their bedroom, the incubus's tail coming up to fiddle at the button of his slacks teasingly.

Yes… just imagining what life would be like without L and all of his oddities made Light shiver at the unpleasant thought.

Or that might have been the effect of L's hot, sinful lips suddenly pressed against his own.


	64. 64- Period

Disclaimer: The Maiden of Autumn owns nothing.

Man, I'm gonna kinda miss you guys, too, this summer. But, I'm not leaving _yet._ Not for another month or so. And, some pics of my time over in Japan are probably gonna be going up on my DA page after I get back in August.

**Period**

* * *

Light had to respect Mother Nature sometimes. It was not every mystical being that would grant women the ability, once a month, to go on a bloody rampage and have it totally excused and socially accepted by the entire world.

More than once, Sayu had taken out her frustration over her period on him, and it was simply dismissed as the excess of estrogen and hormones that came with the occurrence. Sayu could be _very_ fucking scary while on her period.

But Light was used to this; L, unfortunately, was not. So he tried to schedule times when he and L went to visit his parents that was not around the time of the month Sayu went on her rampage.

Of course, L wasn't one to become ruffled by things like this, and Light was glad for it. But, then again, the demon had a very different take on the occurrence, as evidenced one day when they went to visit Light's parents and Sayu was both on her period, and in the process of breaking up with her boyfriend.

* * *

"I respect whoever made the decision to let women in the army. Women plus guns on their period equals unstoppable," L said neutrally, watching Sayu continue to scream obscenities into the phone, face red and angry as she went about cutting off ties with her most recent boyfriend.

"Why do you say that, L?" Light replied quietly, not wanting to draw Sayu's attention- or wrath- to them.

L just glanced over at Light, then pointed discreetly at Sayu, who had slammed her cell phone shut, apparently coming to the decision to just go over to the boy's house and do it in person. Light felt a huge rush of sympathy for the poor sap just then.

Angrily, Sayu threw her coat and shoes on, then left, slamming the door and stormed out and down the street. Light and L watched her in silence, before L spoke up once more. "Because that… that is not something I'd want to see running towards me on the battlefield."


	65. 65- Math

Disclaimer: The Maiden of Autumn owns nothing.

**Math**

* * *

"I hate math…" Sayu groaned, dropping her head into her hands. Light only shook his head sympathetically, patting her shoulder consolingly.

L spoke up from his crouched position on Sayu's extra chair, turned backwards so that his eyes were peeking over the edge. "I like it."

"L, I'm sorry, but you only like cake," Light said, glancing over his shoulder at L.

L spun the chair around so that he fully faced the two, his thumb raised so that he could mouth at it absentmindedly. Shaking his head, he protested, "No, math is good, too."

Sighing, Light dropped his hand from Sayu's shoulder, who perked up, sensing an upcoming argument in the works. Secretly, she grinned; she hadn't known L long, but when Light and L argued, it never failed to entertain. "Okay, explain to me why you like math so much."

"Well… if you think about it, sex is like math," L said thoughtfully, but there was the beginnings of a smirk tugging at his lips and the hint of a mischievous glint in his eyes.

Light's eyes flew wide open and he choked on air upon hearing this shocking revelation from L. But he supposed he really shouldn't be surprised; as a sex demon, if there was anyone that could make a parallel to sex out of any subject, it would be L himself.

"Excuse me-what?!" Light exclaimed in disbelief, when he had gotten over his choking fit.

"Oh my God, L!" Sayu laughed, sitting back and grinning widely. She hadn't known L very long, but she was seriously starting to really, really like L. Light certainly had chosen well...

Smiling, L gave a nonchalant, one-shouldered shrug, as if his human lover were not staring at him in a mixture of disbelief and anger and his sister was not grinning like some maniac. "Well, you add the bed, subtract the clothes, divide the legs, and pray to God you don't multiply," L explained.

Light's eyebrows trembled a second before he gave up, raising his eyes to the ceiling in an expression of hopelessness. "Oh, L…"he sighed, running a hand over his face.

Ignoring, him, L continued, tapping a finger on his chin."Though in our case, we don't have to worry about multiplying…"

"L, just…" Light waved a hand in front of him, amber eyes begging him to cease and desist, "…just stop when you're ahead, okay? In front of my sister… Jesus."

Thankfully, L remained silent, though the smile remained upon his face.

But then, Sayu spoke up, and it was the last straw for Light.

Grinning, she turned to face her older brother, and told him, "I like him, Light. You should bring him around more often."


	66. 66- Hearing

Disclaimer: The Maiden of Autumn owns nothing.

**Hearing**

* * *

L was one of those beings that was, much to Light's annoyance, cursed with selective hearing- he only heard certain words when Light was talking to him sometimes. Unfortunately, these often led to L drawing the wrong conclusions from what Light was telling him.

In one such case…

L was not the cleanest of beings. He had bad habit of not picking up after himself, and one day, Light decided to enlist L's help in cleaning up. Sighing, he picked up a dirty pair of L's jeans, searched out L, dragged him to the living room, sat the bewildered demon onto the couch, and tossing the jeans at L's feet, crossed his arms, and proceeded to tell the demon exactly what he was thinking. Unfortunately, as soon as Light started speaking, L's selective hearing kicked in, and so what Light was actually saying got a bit… skewed… as it entered L's mind.

"L… this place is a mess! C'mon!"

What L heard:_ Blahblahblah _**C'MON**!

Hm? L perked up at this as he stared emotionlessly at Light, his mind half-wandering to other places.

"You and I need to clean up, L."

What L heard: **YOU AND I **_blahblaaahblahblah._

What? Light and him… L started smiling a bit at this.

"You have crumbs all over on the floor- it's disgusting!"

What L heard: Blahblahblabla **ON THE FLOOR** blablaaah blah.

On the floor? Light and him on the floor…? Well, this little lecture was certainly starting to take a turn for the better…

"I don't have time to clean this up, L. I need to go do laundry, or we'll have no clothes for tomorrow."

What L heard: Blahblahblahblablah **NO CLOTHES** blahblaablah.

No clothes. Well, L certainly wasn't averse to that.

"I want this cleaned up right now!"

What L heard: Blablablahblaah **RIGHT NOW!**"

…L blinked, eyes wide as he processed what he heard Light say.

C'mon. You and I. On the floor. No clothes. Right now!

… Speechless, L could only stare at Light in shock, idly wondering why Light had had to sit him down on the couch to tell him that he wished for them to have sex right here on the floor. But that was eclipsed by the fact that Light was wanting to do the dirty right that moment. L, as a sex demon, wasn't one to refuse, of course. In fact, he was rather pleased at the sudden turn of events.

Which prompted his next thought: _Why not? _

Based on this observation, we can perhaps excuse the consequent sequence of events prompted by L.

L suddenly jumped at Light, knocking them both to the ground, and then promptly proceeded to ravish a very confused Light right on the floor.


	67. 67- Loans

Disclaimer: The Maiden of Autumn owns nothing.

**Loans**

* * *

"I'm grateful that I got enough scholarships to pay for all of my college tuition. Loans would have sucked," Light sighed, setting his pencil down and leaning back in his chair, running a hand once through his hair. He was attempting to balance his checkbook, and had just finished the hated chore- it was mundane and boring and wasted a good half an hour of his life.

L quirked a brow, craning his neck to see Light better from his position on the floor where he had been dozing, waiting for Light to finish his chore. "Why?"

"Well, student loans are just like Justin Bieber," Light explained. "They will _not_ go away, no matter how much you wish they would."

L's face was a picture of revulsion and horror. "And God forbid we have Justin Bieber following us around."

Light nodded in agreement, grimacing at the thought. "Damn straight."


	68. 68- Open

Disclaimer: The Maiden of Autumn owns nothing.

**Open**

* * *

"What the hell happened in here, L?!" Light froze as he walked into the living room, seeing a scattered mess of plastic, cardboard, and little plastic-coated ties all over the floor. And right smack in the middle of the mess was a certain incubus, looking up at Light with a sheepish expression on his pale face.

Shrugging, L simply gestured hopelessly to the mess around him with an abashed smile. "That awkward moment when the box says 'easy open' and you end up using scissors, a knife, hammer, gun, and a damn light saber trying to open it…"


	69. 69- Banging

Disclaimer: The Maiden of Autumn owns nothing.

Chapter 69. _Sixty-nine._

You have no idea how hard I smirked while writing this respective chapter.

And VampireDoll666... I'm sure Light could think of a few things he could do with L, heh.

**Banging**

* * *

_*Text messages*_

_Hey, Kimiko._

_Hi, Sayu._

_So, I have something to ask you._

_Shoot._

_Well, I know you like yaoi, right?_

_Well, yeah.  
_  
_And you know my brother and his "friend," L, right?_

_Yeah. I've hung out with them a few times, when you invited me over for a movie night, remember? They're  
pretty cool. Why? Do you want to have another movie night?_

_Well, you know how I'm staying over at their apartment until mom and dad get back from vacation?_

_Yeah._

_I just got home from the store and my brother and L are banging on the couch._

_LOL Sayu, check your last text! Auto-correct can be hilarious!_

_No, I'm serious. They're BANGING._

_…I'm coming over._

* * *

"Hah-ah…Ah… Light, did…you…ungh! Hear something…? It- _hangh_... sounded like-_gasp..._ a gig-giggle…ungh..."

"No, L, you're imagining things. There's no one here. Sayu won't be home for awhile, because knowing her, she got sidetracked on the way to or from the store. Now, hold still and relax…"

"Ungh! Light-!"


	70. 70- Driving

Disclaimer: The Maiden of Autumn owns nothing.

**Driving**

* * *

"Sayu, you suck at parking."

"Light, this had better not be one of those sexist 'Oh, females suck at parking and driving in general' speeches!"

"Um, Sayu-"

"Because I tell you, women only have trouble parking because we're constantly lied to about what 8 inches is!"

"…Funny. Light's never lied to me about that. But maybe it's because he's big enough to not have to-"

"L. Please. I beg of you...I don't need to know about the length, size, or width of my big brother's penis. Don't leave me scarred for life."


	71. 71- Shoelaces

Disclaimer: The Maiden of Autumn owns nothing.

**Shoelaces**

* * *

L enjoyed going to class with Light sometimes in his incorporeal demon form. It was nice to be able to influence the world around him, with no one the wiser.

Like the times that L noticed students fall asleep in class. Those were the best.

Because in his incorporeal form, there was no one to stop him from slipping out of the chair that Light shared with L, slouching down to where the student was sitting, tie his shoelaces together, and then wait until the bell rung.

Upon at which time L would sit back and silently smirk as the student hopped up, went to leave, and then promptly tripped and faceplanted in the middle of the aisle.


	72. 72- Diet

Disclaimer: The Maiden of Autumn owns nothing.

Man, you guys. Been a few days. Fucking busy, I am- you have no idea, seriously. Dunno if I'll have time to update my other stories like I thought I would. I leave in like... *counts fingers* ...W_hat... what...the hell is this shit?!_

HOLY SHIT 15 FUCKING DAYS. A little over two weeks, and I'm gone... Shit. But yeah. Enjoy this. I'll try to be a bit more faithful...

Sorry.

**Diet**

* * *

It was there. Just… just fucking staring at him. Like it was taunting him.

...Bitch.

L stared back at the dessert that was staring him down from its glass case on the counter of the café, waiting for Light to get back from the restroom so they could order.

Cue internal debate from sugar-starved incubus.

_You're on a diet, L._

_You're on a diet._

_Don't you even think about it._

_Light would be disappointed._

_He'd be really, really fucking disappointed._

_He put you on that diet for a reason._

_You're on a diet._

_Yes._

_I'm on a diet._

_I'm on a diet._

_I'm on a diet._

_I'm on a diet._

_I'm on a diet._

OH MY GOD IT'S FUCKING CHOCOLATE CAKE AND I WANT IT.

_Yum._


	73. 73- Clubs

Disclaimer: The Maiden of Autumn owns nothing.

Right... there's an update on the update on my profile.

**Clubs**

* * *

"Hey, L. I'm going to my parent's tonight. Do you want to come?" Light asked, slipping on his shoes and buttoning up his coat.

L shook his head, yawning hugely, pale fingers covering his mouth. They had gone clubbing last night and then Light had dragged L to college classes that morning, insisting that if he had to go to class with a bitch of a hangover, L could suffer along with him, as the club was the incubus's idea. "No, I have plans for the evening."

Light paused, looking back to L with a questioning glance."…What? Again?"

Was L making plans to go out without him? What the hell?!

L nodded, blinking heavily. Little sleep and being dragged out of bed and to classes with Light, kept awake by the discreet poking of a sharp pencil tip in his side every time he was about to doze off, invisible to the other students but not to Light, had made him exhausted. "I'm off to Club Bed featuring DJ Pillow and Mc Blanky," he told Light.

"…L." Light spoke the demon's name with incredulously, not really knowing how to respond to that. The things L came up with sometimes…

L only responded with a one-shouldered shrug, grinning sleepily. "I'm tired, Light."

And Light blinked, then grinned, and then the coat was unbuttoned and the shoes slipped off as the grin transformed into a sultry smirk.

As it turned out, Light didn't go to his parent's house that night, because, well, if L was going to Club Bed… well, it just wouldn't be right to let L go alone, right?

In any case, Light didn't think L minded not being able to sleep, because the entertainment they created- a symphony of cries and moans pulled from L's throat- was much better than any that Light's family could have provided.


	74. 74- Hi

Disclaimer: The Maiden of Autumn owns nothing.

**Hi**

* * *

"Here, Light." L proffered a piece of folded paper to Light, absentmindedly munching on a sucker.

"What's this?" Light asked, taking the piece of paper. It was heavy and cream colored, almost like that of a business card or stationery-it was not ordinary printer paper.

L shrugged, hopping onto the couch and crouching there as he watched Light. "Someone handed it off to me today when I was in the store. I thought it would be appropriate to give it to you," he smiled.

"What…?" Light asked confusedly, brows furrowing as he unfolded the piece of paper. His amber eyes scanned over the words printed in black ink, and he read them out loud, eyebrows inching upwards as he did so.

"'Hi, I find you attractive. Please recycle this message by passing it on to another attractive person,'" he read, and then glanced up to L, quirking an eyebrow in silent question.

L just smiled, shrugged, and wings fluttering in amusement, he simply told his human, "I find you attractive, Light."


	75. 75- Drugs

Disclaimer: The Maiden of Autumn owns nothing.

Right. Would you all like to know what I've done today? I woke up, ate, wrote an email, crashed over my computer, packed a bit, crashed again, (in my suitcase, thanks for that picture of me, mother) studied my Japanese for a few minutes, promptly fell asleep over my computer, woke up, reviewed a story, ate some fried chicken, mmmm, and remembered that I need to get a holy shitload of these up halfway through swallowing a bite.

Bottom line? I've slept a lot today. And I'm scarfing down food as I do. Hah.

**Drugs**

* * *

"Light, have you noticed how useless these medicine commercials are?" L asked disgustedly one afternoon as they lounged about on the couch, watching TV.

Light, who hadn't really been watching the TV but was more interested in tracing the outline of L's leathery wings, looked up in time to catch the end of a commercial about some drug that was supposed to help manage depression. "No, L. Why do you say that?"

"Well, only about 10 percent of the commercial is actually talking about how the drug can help you," L told him, jabbing a vindictive finger at the TV in annoyance.

_Well, when you think about it that way L has a point_, Light thought.

"And the other 90 percent?" Light asked with an amused smile.

"Talking about how the drug could possibly kill you and/or fuck up your body," L said, shaking his head, sighing in mixed irritation at the commercial that was the receiver of his ire and happiness at having his wings fondled.

"And they do it with happy pictures, too," Light pointed out, adding fuel to the fire, stifling a laugh. It was amusing to see L get worked up over something as trivial as this, leveling a loathing glare at the TV.

"_Exactly_ my point."


	76. 76- Iced

Disclaimer: The Maiden of Autumn owns nothing.

**Iced**

* * *

"L. What…what are you doing with that ice cube tray and my coffee pot?"

"I'm putting the coffee in the ice cube tray and then freezing it, so that when you make an iced coffee, it doesn't get watered down."

"…Sometimes, L, I don't know whether to bow down at your feet for your ingenious ideas or be scared about just _what_ runs through your mind in order to come up with them."

"…Sometimes, Light, I'm not sure myself."

_...Wonderful._


	77. 77- Volume

Disclaimer: The Maiden of Autumn owns nothing.

**Volume**

* * *

_Click._

31

Frowning, Light snatched the remote back and turned the volume of the TV down back to 30.

_Click._

29.

Irritated now, Light repeated the process, this time turning the volume back _up_ to 30.

_Click, click, click._

33

"God damn it, L," Light hissed in annoyance, once more snatching the remote from a smirking L's hands and turning the TV down one to an even 32. "Stop messing with the volume!"

"OCD much, Light?" L snarked, tail lashing in amusement, grin set upon his face.

That made Light pause momentarily, flicking his amber eyes to the TV, to L, to the TV, and finally settling on L. Okay, so it bothered him if the volume of the TV was at an odd number. So what?

"That does not make me OCD, L," Light huffed haughtily, settling back, though there was a stiflingly smug silence coming from L's general direction. After a moment he relented, flicking an annoyed glare over to L. "Okay," he allowed, "Maybe a bit."

L only smirked more widely at this, and then said consolingly, when Light sighed in defeat, "Don't worry about it, Light. 91% of people in the world are uncomfortable if the volume of a TV is at an odd number."


	78. 78- Effects

Disclaimer: The Maiden of Autumn owns nothing.

**Effects**

* * *

"Why are there never any good side effects?"

"What, L?"

"Just once, I'd like to read a medication bottle that says, 'Side effects: May cause extreme sexiness.'"

"Well, whatever the case, if that were a side effect, that medication would be useless to me."

"Why?"

"Because I'm already goddamned sexy, L."

"…"

"In fact, if I were to get any sexier than I am already, I might need a warning label. 'Caution: exposure may cause sexiness overdose. Observe with caution.'"

"…No, Light. You'd need a warning label that said, 'Caution: exposure may cause narcissistic bitch overdose. Handle with extreme caution.'"

"…Too far, L. Too far."


	79. 79- Pterodactyl

Disclaimer: The Maiden of Autumn owns nothing.

**Pterodactyl**

* * *

L smirked as he walked back into the living room where Light was watching TV, clicking off the phone as he did so, snickering. Light quirked an eyebrow at the incubus as he settled onto the couch, eyes alight with mirth.

"Oh, hell, L. What now?" Light asked, shaking his head. L hated robo-calls, toll-free calls, and pretty much anyone that called that was not a family or friend. Therefore, he took the opportunity to fuck around with them whenever possible.

And judging by L's smirk, he had just gotten someone pretty good.

"I love fucking with the minds of foreign tech support guys…" L sighed, a pleased smile flirting at the edges of his lips.

"What did you do to them, L?" Light asked.

"Well…" L said, grinning devilishly, "They asked for my name. I thought it would pretty hard to explain that my name was just 'L,' so I gave them a different name. Perry."

"And how did that work out?"

Leaning back, L closed his eyes, though he still was smiling and said, "Well, they were foreign, so they couldn't really spell. So I decided to help them out. I told them, 'My name is Perry, not Terry. With a P as in Pterodactyl.'"


	80. 80- Mimes

Disclaimer: The Maiden of Autumn owns nothing.

There was this cool mime at SeaWorld in a show... dressed up in a chicken suit, jellyfish suit, pirate... fucking awesome dude. Met him after the show, too. Not much of a conversation, but if I read him right, he liked the blue streaks in my hair. Told him I liked his face paint and he pretended to blush. Pretended being the keyword there, cause I couldn't see under all the white makeup.

**Mimes**

* * *

"Oh, hey, look. A mime." L shifted the brown paper bag filled with groceries to the crook of his elbow in order to point out the white and black stipe-clad figure that was performing silently on the street.

"What?" Light asked, turning to look in the direction L was pointing. Upon seeing the mime, his eyes narrowed and he held out a hand to L."Here, give me a tomato."

"Okay," L said, brows furrowing as he plucked a tomato out of the bag and placed it into Light's hand, trailing after Light as he walked closer to the mime. "For what?"

"I hate mimes!" Light hissed, and then he promptly threw it at the mime, who was holding up his hands, mimicking being trapped behind a"wall."

The tomato splattered- but not on the mime.

L and Light watched silently as the tomato impacted an invisible barrier right in front of the mime, the performer's painted face turning into a smirk as he winked at L and Light.

"…."

"..."

L blinked.

"This appears to be a good one…"


	81. 81- Suits

Disclaimer: The Maiden of Autumn owns nothing.

Thank God for cheesy pick-up lines...

**Suit**

* * *

"Hey, Light. I haven't seen that suit on you before. I like it," L remarked over breakfast one day, taking a bit of his jam-slathered toast and eyeing Light's form appraisingly.

Light smiled, appreciating the fact that L had noticed his new clothing. "Thanks, L. I was able to get it tailored and purchase it for 10% off."

L paused then, tail flicking contemplatively, and then he set his toast down slowly and deliberately. Leaning forwards over the table, he smirked at Light.

"…How about you skip work, we go back to the bedroom, and make it 100% off?"


	82. 82- Scorpions

Disclaimer: The Maiden of Autumn owns nothing.

I do admit that L has a valid point in this.

...Reminds me of a time back in fourth grade when this boy put his pet scorpion in another girl's desk. Good times, good times.

**Scorpions**

* * *

"L, you really don't like spiders, do you?" Light asked, seeing L grimace at the daddy longlegs that had made its home in the upper right corner of their kitchen ceiling.

"No," L replied snidely as he hopped up on a stool next to their bar and snatched a brownie from the plate lying out in the open. "And I hate scorpions even more."

"Why?" Light asked, brows farrowing in confusion. He had thought nothing could surpass L's distaste of spiders…

"Think about it, Light," L told him, face a picture of disgust, wings and tail shivering unconsciously at the thought. "Scorpions are like nature's way of saying, 'Fuck you, I'm gonna combine lobsters, spiders, wasps, and nightmares.' Not cool."


	83. 83- Rabbit

Disclaimer: The Maiden of Autumn owns nothing.

...The thought of the Easter Bunny meeting his splattered end does disturb me. I mean, who else would I get my Dove chocolate Easter eggs from?!

**Rabbit**

* * *

"Oh my God, Light! L! I was driving home from the store and I hit a rabbit!" Sayu burst into the room, tears starting in the corner of her eyes.

Worried, Light quickly snatched the remote and turned down the volume of the show he had been watching, turning to face his sister.

"Sayu… are you sure it was a rabbit? What would a rabbit be doing in downtown Tokyo?"

"I don't know! What if it was someone's escaped pet rabbit?!"

L blinked blearily, having just woken up from an impromptu nap, his head resting on Light's legs. Shifting about, he propped himself up on his elbow. Yawning, he shook his head, then asked, just having caught Sayu's words as she came in, "Wait, Sayu, you said you hit a rabbit?"

"Yes!" she wailed.

L blinked once before a smirk tugged at his lips, and then he said, "Oh, no. Easter is cancelled! Thanks a  
lot…"

"L!" Sayu gasped, and Light resisted the urge to bury his face in the palm of his hand.

L was painfully oblivious to this fact, however, and shook his head, feigning sadness. "Think of the poor children waiting for the Easter Bunny that will never come…" he sighed.

"Stop!" Sayu cried, waving her hands in distress. "It ran out in front of me! What was I supposed to  
do?!"

Flopping back down, L raised his hands in the air above him, mimicking driving a car as he sang, "Here comes Peter Cottontail, hopping down the Bunny Trail… Oh, no! Here comes Sayu… SPLAT!"


	84. 84- Government

Disclaimer: The Maiden of Autumn owns nothing.

This is so depressingly true, it's not even funny. I've stopped reading the newspaper and such for this reason.

...But then again, when you start getting headlines like, "Best Man at Wedding Hit in Head by Flying Dildo!" I'm not quite sure it's really worth reading anymore. Except for the humor element, of course. But then again, when they cut The Wizard of Id, I lost faith in the comic section. At least they still have Hagar the Horrible.

**Government**

* * *

"I question the government's sexuality as a whole sometimes," Light sighed exasperatedly, tossing aside the newspaper he had just finished scanning over.

At the intriguing words, (though it may have just been the use of the word 'sexuality') L glanced up, popsicle stick hanging loosely from his mouth. "What?"

Light shrugged. "The government is basically bisexual," he told L matter-of-factly.

A small smile starting to tug at the corners of his lips, L asked, "Light, why do you say that?"

Leaning back, Light rolled his eyes as he crossed his arms behind his head, sighing, "They fuck everybody."


	85. 85- Impossible

Disclaimer: The Maiden of Autumn owns nothing.

Right. I'm alive. Just gotten back from Japan, and all I'll say about it was that it was fucking awesome. Only thing was, on the return, I had to survive a hellish 18 hours of 4 different flights and a missed one that resulted me in staying overnight and waiting for the shuttle to the hotel for an hour and a half. Luckily, I had my newly-purchased Death Note mangas to look through to pass the time.

...Moving on.

Hello again, everyone.

**Impossible**

* * *

"Try to explain the difference between left and right," L said out of the blue one day. He looked over at Light, who was refilling his water glass.

At the question, Light paused momentarily, opened his mouth to reply, and then quickly shut it when he found he couldn't find the right words to do so.

His brows knitted as he thought, and then he glanced over at a slyly smiling L, unable to answer. His face was a picture of hopelessness as he simply shrugged and came up with an articulate, "…Urgh…"

Nodding, L raised his thumb to his lips to mouth at it for a moment before he asked, still slyly smiling, "What about the colors? Try to describe red to me as if I were blind and had never seen the color before."

"L…!" Light exclaimed, shaking his head. He couldn't- he was quite brilliant, yes, and had no trouble acknowledging that, but to come up with the answers to questions like these were giving him a headache. There just was no good way to explain what L was asking him to, and it was annoying.

Smile slipping into a smirk, L then shook his head, amending the statement. "No, I know. Try thinking up a color that doesn't exist."

"L!" Light exclaimed, amber eyes pleading with the incubus to stop.

"Wait- what does water taste like?"

"No! Stop!"


	86. 86- Choke

Disclaimer: The Maiden of Autumn owns nothing.

**Choke**

* * *

"Urgh," L muttered, eye twitching with annoyance as he overheard a conversation two young, frankly idiotic men were having about how they wanted to jump their bikes over the bridge and were excusing that stupidity with a certain phrase.

God, how he hated YOLO.

Turning away to face his boyfriend, Light, L poked at his piece of strawberry shortcake, (that had extra strawberries on it, courtesy of an incubus-charmed waitress) with his fork and hissed under his breath, "I hate the phrase 'Life is short' because it's literally the longest thing any of us will ever experience."

Without missing a beat, Light looked up from his coffee, quirked a brow and said, "Unless you experience my penis."

_HACK! _

Eyes wide, L coughed, choking on the piece of cake he had just been about to swallow, and with watery eyes, looked up at Light, exclaiming, "Light! I just choked on my food!"

Lips curling upwards into a smirk, Light propped an elbow on the table, and leaned forwards into L's shocked face.

"That's not the only thing you'll choke on."


	87. 87- Cheetos

Disclaimer: The Maiden of Autumn owns nothing.

I have not tried this yet. But then again, I haven't seen my best friend in a little under a year. As soon as we get together again... well.

**Cheetos**

* * *

Bzz.

Bzz.

Bzz.

Frowning, Light put aside the notes of a new case he was going over and picked up his cell phone, which was buzzing on the desk. Turning it on, he saw that he had a new text from L. Or it might have been Beyond.

L's brother had decided to haunt their house for awhile, (no doubt to annoy the fuck out of L) and he had a nasty habit of stealing L's phone when he left it lying about and sending Light message after message after message.

But it seems that this time around, it was L.

_Light. _

Hm… Quickly, Light tapped out a reply, wondering what he and Beyond had gotten up to while he was at work. They did occasionally get along- despite the curse Beyond had lain on L- and what the twins came up with sometimes…

_What, L? _

A few seconds later, there was a reply.

_I just found out that I'm 41 Cheetos tall._

Speechless, Light could only stare at the message, wondering what the hell had possessed the two to do this. He blamed Beyond.

He really, really blamed Beyond for this little escapade this time around.

Beyond was the source of everything.

Goddamned incubus.

Sighing, he quickly typed out another message, though it was a question that he wasn't sure he wanted an answer to.

_L. Why did you think you needed to measure yourself in Cheetos?_

A few seconds later, there was a reply.

_Well, we were out of Doritos._

Figures.


	88. 88- Curious

Disclaimer: The Maiden of Autumn owns nothing.

For some reason, in my PIAHTDW headcanon, L has an intense dislike of spiders. I've noticed this, though there's really no solid explanation for it.

**Curious**

* * *

"ACK! Spider!" L jumped backwards, eyeing the evil little black eight-legged creature scuttling across the floor, heading straight towards…

_Not my bedroom, you bitch!_

Leaping into action, a horrified L grabbed a jar and quickly jumped at the spider, trapping it before it could invade his bedroom. Slipping a piece of paper over the top, holding it up, he smiled at it, secretly gloating at his victory over the little creature he could swear was glowering at him with all eight revolting eyes.

_I know. I'll let the little bitch suffer and die of starvation, _L thought viciously, glowering back at the creature, tail whipping unconsciously in agitation and maliciousness. But then, it stilled as another thought struck him.

_But how long can a spider go without food?_

Curious now, L trotted into his and Light's bedroom, set the jar down on the desk, booted up Light's computer, and did a quick search. His eyes widened as he read out loud in horror what his search had turned up.

"…Sometimes, up to a year without food or water…"

_A year…?_

Turning around slowly, L eyed the jar with horrified speculation. His eyes narrowed as he swore that he could see the spider smirking at him, and slowly, he reached out for the can of Raid that he had set aside earlier.

_To hell with that. _


End file.
